YES! The Real Reason Your Weeks Feel Busy But Empty

Owning The Consequences You Choose

Owning the fact that I am choosing the consequence of this decision, and either decision has a list of consequences. Which ones am I picking? I'm not a victim of them, I picked them. I'm gonna share a filter that you can use, and it's the filter that I use to sharpen my focus so that I can avoid spending time and energy on like low impact stuff. And so I'm gonna hit you with the filter right now. It is three words choose your consequence. I run that little phrase through my head when I'm faced with like a new juicy, tasty idea because I like to play, I like to be out there, get involved, collaborate, and do all kinds of great things, but not every opportunity is contributing to my path, to my mission. And so every opportunity comes with consequences. And we're gonna talk a little bit more about those consequences. I'm Jesse, your selfish servant. And I'm down to share the self-management techniques and practices that I use to help me better serve the person in front of me. And I want to hook you up with these things so that you too can become a better version of yourself and serve the people in your world. Ideally, like in my dreams of dreams, what will happen is we'll be investing so much time and cultivating and growing our skills and talents that we will be better equipped to share those gifts and talents to lead the construction industry better than we found it. Like that is the whole point. Now, let's get into the definition consequence in Jesse Land, because I know I don't see it like everybody else sees it. And so I Googled it, right? I was trying to use my resources. I Googled the definition of consequence, and I'm gonna paraphrase it. Says, let's see, what did I write down? The consequence is a result of an effect of an action. So the result or effect of an action, it doesn't say that a consequence is positive, super good, super awesome, or that a consequence is stinky negative. The definition talks about a consequence from maybe an objective perspective. And so that's one big chunk that I had to come to terms with because typically when we think about consequences, I think about like, man, I'm gonna get in trouble, I'm gonna get written up, I'm gonna get my hand slapped, like all of those things. Yes, it is a consequence, but also there's amazing outcomes from the actions and things that I take, which are also a consequence of the action, right? It's a result of us taking the step. And so when I neutralize the idea of consequence, it has helped me really, really think about things a little differently. Now, that's the key point. Consequences are not good or bad. If you can't make that shift, this filter may not work for you. But if you can, I'm about to tell you some other good thing. And I'm gonna get into some examples or one specific example that I actually use the thinking. It's a little extreme, but I'm sharing this one because I think it'll get your attention. Okay, so we just talked about right, choose your consequence because the reality is, or maybe that's the first step, right? Understanding, coming to terms with or embracing the fact that every decision we make is a choice of consequence, or we're choosing a set of consequences because we make a decision, we take a step, we initiate action. But we don't usually think about that, right? I don't typically think about okay, like before, now because I'm crazy and I obsess about things, um, I'm like, okay, what are the consequences of this thing? And so a lot of us, we have a time management issue, right? We're pressed, we're pressured, we're stressed, we're scrambling around, we're neglecting ourselves, our health, our wellness, we're neglecting the people we really, really care about because we don't have enough time. But the truth is, maybe not for you, but definitely for me, the truth is I'm pressed. My time is so damn leveraged because I made decisions days, weeks, months ago and didn't consider the consequences of that decision. Again, consequence is a neutral idea in Jesse Land. And so when I really start saying, wait, pump the brakes, don't make that decision, don't go do that thing yet. What are the consequences? Like, what are the awesome things that could happen? Because that's typically where my brain defaults to, because I like to play, right? I'm an otter, I like to flop around and have fun. But what are the potential outcomes of the thing? It's very easy for me to see those things and say, Oh yeah, let's go do that. And then what are the the negative outcomes, right? What are the stinky things? And in as it relates to the idea of time, they're all gonna require time. And so here's the example dating. I don't know if everybody knows this, but I don't date, and I have chosen not to date because I have evaluated the consequences. I know it's a little bit extreme, but you also know if you've been here before, if you've seen my smiling face, you know I got my hands in a whole bunch of things, not just like the podcast and the book and the live streams. Um, I actually like provide services and deliver value to clients, particularly lately. I've been doing a whole lot of this time management for construction stuff, and so and that requires me traveling, you know, all over the country, which is super awesome. But there's a lot going on in in my world. Now, dating, I'm not opposed to it. Do am I attracted to people, to ladies? 100% like so attractive. But the thought is this when I'm start thinking, like, oh man, she's cute, she's super intelligent. I think she'll challenge me and help me, like all of those things. I think about it. What are the consequences of me going on a date? Let's just say date first date, date number one. Positive consequences, some companionship, right? Get to know somebody new, have a new experience, build some memories with somebody. Like, you know, we're gonna keep it PG. It it's great. Like, that is amazing. That's fun, it's fulfilling, it's rewarding. And so those are some of the positive consequences. Now, what are the negative consequences of that decision? The negative consequences for me are it's gonna take me about two hours, maybe three, right? If things go really, really well, it's gonna be about three hours long because I got to get ready, right? I got to get all my beautification going on, I got to get dressed up, which means I'm gonna iron because I don't want to show up all wrinkly and I ain't gonna show up in my gym shorts. Uh, and then I got to drive or travel somewhere, then I gotta sit down and you know, have the meal or do whatever it is we're going to do. Of course, I'm gonna pay. Um, and so at the end of it all, I will have spent three hours minimum and maybe a couple hundred bucks, right? On the low end. Which again, do I have three hours? I absolutely do have three hours. Do I have a couple hundred bucks? Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. But that chunk of time is not on the path to achieving the things I want to achieve. Committing three hours to that, that experience is not going to contribute to me serving other people better. You know, I guess it could be argued that in some way, if I had a relationship and somebody to share wins with and grow together with, I could serve better to a greater degree. I'm not doubting it. We'll see. I don't know. But for me, the calculus or the calculation is that, right? It's like, okay, there is this opportunity to go out with this person, assuming she's not gonna reject me, right? And we're gonna have fun, we're gonna laugh and all the things, right? We're gonna get the butterflies and all of that stuff because those are mandatory, and that will be good. However, how does that directly contribute to my path? How does that help me expand or deepen, enrich my gifts and talents to better serve other people? I don't see a direct connection or any attribution in that perspective. So if I save the time, if I don't spend those three hours, you know, doing all that fun stuff, like I'm not knocking it. If I don't do that, guess what? I have that three hours of energy, right? Of focus to contribute to the things that I really, really care about, to contribute to the things that I'm focused on to learn and discover new ways to serve the people of the construction industry. The main point, I wanted to use like that dating example to kind of like for real, for real. I'm not just talking about the small decision, right? It's easy to say, well, if you're just watching Netflix, of course you're not growing your business and blah, blah, blah. Like, yeah, yeah, duh. But like, let's get a little more real, let's get a little more introspective about the things that we actually commit our focus and energy towards, which you know, most of us will think that think about that in terms of time. Dating, being in a relationship, absolutely. And so maybe y'all can help me shift my perspective a little bit. Like, what are the consequences of dating or being in a romantic relationship? And again, maybe this is a good exercise to kind of challenge your thinking a little bit if you only think of consequences in terms of punitive or negative outcomes. What are the positive and the negative? Like, what are really what is the cost or the impact of the decision to date or to be in a romantic relationship? I'm not arguing, I'm not gonna come back at you. It's just some insight, maybe a practice test right now for us to think of it from both perspectives, right? Now, if you're not okay with dropping it in the chat, it's cool. I completely understand. But that's the thinking exercise. Now, let's zoom out a little bit from like Jesse Crazy Land, uh, because I don't know actually, I there I know very, very few people that have made like a conscious decision to not date. And those people that I've talked to, I'm not gonna put them out there, I'm not gonna throw throw them under the bus here. But like the the magical thing, and I'm not pro I'm not like proposing this to you. I just want to share another like filter extra bonus principle that that I use. I stole, I think, from um Tim Ferris is what is one decision I can make that will eliminate hundreds or thousands of decisions in the future. And guess what decision that is for me? Dating. Because again, I don't have to decide what I'm gonna wear, I don't have to decide what we're gonna eat, I don't have to like all of those decisions. I ain't gotta decide who I'm gonna ask out, how I'm gonna approach her, like all of those decisions are have evaporated from my world, which means I have more focus, time, and energy to do the things that I really, really care about, the things that I'm really drawn and compelled to to bring my stuff to life, to bring my world to life. And if you're wondering, like I know people are playing, oh pobrecito Jesse, poor guy. No, no, no. I got an amazing support network, I got human beings in my life that we're learning and growing together, like all of that stuff is great. Um, but again, it's just a maybe a little outrageous example to capture your attention. So now let's take it out of the dating world. I know my people out there in the omniverse on the insta. I know that y'all are ballers. I know that y'all have like major, major impact in the industry and in the circles that you surround yourself with, right? Just like your family circle, your community circle, your professional circle, and so forth. Y'all are ballers, which means you probably get invited to a lot of collaborations, a lot of opportunities. And that's like for me, that's the sinkhole because I like to play, I want to interact with people, I want to contribute to new experiences. I like the high of being up on the stage and making contact with people and seeing the like the light bulb turn on, even if it's only one. I that is like the most enthralling experience that I can um describe. And so it's very easy. And I've done this a lot in the past. I get invited to collaborate or be a part of a thing, whatever it is, in person, live stream, video, doesn't matter. And my default answer was yes, yes, yes. Which was cool because I was having fun, but then three or four months pass by, and I'm like, okay, where am I on like my bigger mission, my bigger plan? I'm nowhere. I'm at the same place I was three or four months ago because I was spinning my wheels out there having fun and you know, soaking up all the damn attention. It's not to say that those opportunities or experiences were like negative or boring or low, um, low value. They were meaningful, but they did not contribute to my path, to my goal. And so the problem was I wasn't asking the question of what are the consequences of being a part of this conference or being a part of this live stream or being a part of this call collaboration. I wasn't thinking about that. I was only thinking about the fun. And after I zoomed out, and so I got three, six months kind of me spinning my wheels, running on a treadmill, staying in the same place, like, oh, okay, so I need to make better decisions, right? It's kind of like the title of this thing is better decisions, better outcomes. Does this feel like let me? I'm gonna go to the comments now. What I'd like to know is like, does this feel selfish? Does this feel a little like, man, Jess, you're a little too twisted here? It might. And I know you know, the the Jesse five years ago would have said, dude, chill out, you're not that important. Uh, which is still true, but I'm having greater impact, right? I'm learning and growing faster and I'm serving to greater degrees because I evaluate those opportunities like these really great things that I gotta say no to or that I choose to say no to, based on the fact that there are consequences associated with the decision. Again, both positive and negative uh outcomes in terms of making that spend of focus and energy. In terms of evaluating the consequence, why do I say yes so readily to like really fun experiences, opportunities, collaborations? Because I'm only thinking about the consequences in the short term, right? Between me saying yes and being a part of the thing, and oh, it's awesome, we're gonna have fun, a lot, you know, all the things. I'm not thinking about the long-term consequences, right? Long term, sure, I'll expand my network. There's still a lot of really great outcomes of doing the thing. And there's some less than stinky things. Will those consequences divert me from my path, contribute to my path, or speed up my uh traveling of the path? Long term, when I zoom out and think about the long term, guess what? All of a sudden, that opportunity is not as spectacular as it was when I got the first ask and my ego got that, you know, that boost. It's not as spectacular anymore. And so, Linda, thank you, sister, for like pointing out looking at from different time perspectives is also you know one of those self-management things to say, okay, I'm looking at it from this elevation, I'm gonna zoom out, and what does it look like now? And just list out the consequence. Like, I'm not saying maybe to start off, you might want to write them down, right? I I know a lot of people are familiar with the pros and cons thing. Maybe that's another way to think about this and just apply it to every decision you're making. Is that obsessive and a little nuts? Yeah. Um, or maybe not every single one, but there's a lot of them that you need to be applying to and evaluating so that you can uh stay on your path. Why? And so maybe there's here's a question that may be bouncing around in your head why is it so important to stay on our path and guard our energy and our focus? Well, because if we're always, and this is kind of the default for all the people that I've been working with now, I think I've I'm probably at over 250 very accomplished construction professionals that I've been working and doing this time management thing with. That without a doubt, they are all excellent at doing and serving and executing and performing for others. They are all pretty weak, right? Pretty early in the game in terms of taking care of themselves. And so that's the idea. We're gonna use this filter so that we can stop giving away all of our energy, all of our focus, so that we can better honor ourselves. Because when we better honor ourselves, we are better equipped to serve the people in front of us. That's the whole game. And I know firsthand that doing that, making that shift has transformed my life like so dramatically. I mean, I can go through the list, but I'm not gonna bore you right now. All right, Linda's got some more wisdom. She says the dating thing is eliminating short-term warm and fuzzy result for the learned long-term outcome of more time control. Finally, somebody sees me, Linda. Thank you. Yes, like the short-term, warm and fuzzy. Oh my goodness. Yes, yes, that's yummy, yummy. But it detracts from the long-term objective, and that's the whole deal. Posit all right, Marcus got another uh positive consequence of being in the relationship game. He says, better communicator, yeah, yeah. Uh setting expectations and control of emotions. It forced me to use AI to automate everything. What good point, good, good, good point to automate everything. Uh, and I'm getting more done with less time. Yeah, that's the kind of magical thing when we're overcommitted and super uh our time is super like compressed, is it kind of forces us to figure out how to automate and optimize things so that we can be more present with the people in front of us. So it's the constraint that drives the innovation, right? Like that's a standard principle out there. Uh so thanks for putting that out. What are your non-negotiables? What are your hard no's for every yes that I say? I think Stephen Covey or one of those super smart people said, right, for every yes that I make, there's a hundred no's that I'm actually saying. And so saying yes to something naturally says no to a bunch of other things, but we don't really take that into account when we're making our decisions. And so, what are the non-negotiables? Like, what are the absolute minimum requirements for you to make a decision? I have some, right? When I get invited to a thing, it's like, and here's again another extreme example. Um, I was invited to be a part of a live stream, and it was kind of a big deal. We're getting a bunch of people together, it was super constructionful. It was it was, and it turned out to be a freaking amazing event. And obviously, I do live streams, I've been doing them for a long time, but I didn't have the capacity, or rather, I wasn't willing to do more for the live stream than show up. I said, Yes, I am in on the live stream on the condition that I don't have to do more than three clicks to be a part of it. I know that sounds a little sarcastic, but I meant it. And so as we were this, you know, as we're planning it up and doing the thing, I was getting a bazillion, you know, we're in a group text, and all these things are coming in, and I'm not responding. And then the organizer's like, hey bro, like, are you in or you out? It's like, yeah, I told you I was in. I got it on my calendar, I'm gonna be there. He's like, Well, you're not responding to the group text. I was like, Well, if I have to, you got three clicks, and if I expend those three clicks getting into the chatter that's in the group text, then I'm not gonna be there for the live stream. And he said, Oh, I understand what you mean. Was that was it kind of crappy? Yeah, I it was, but it was clarity. He understood I wasn't gonna be doing all the other things, and if I and if that wasn't okay, then I didn't need to be a part of it, right? And so the point of that example is getting clear on the non-negotiables. Do you have any non-negotiables? Right, there's a lot of talk out there about deal killers and and red flags and all of these things. However, we own it seems to me that those things we only really use them on like the big giant life decisions, which of course, there's a lot of risk there. So, yes, do it with the big giant life decisions. What I'm proposing to you with this idea of choose your consequence, is that we need to have those non-negotiables, those hard conditions to yes or no on the small things. And here's the hard part we need to have those hard conditions, those go no go indicators for ourselves. That's the hard part. Again, I said at the top of the call, this is all like the things I'm sharing is about self management. Yeah, I got a super cool hat that says time management for construction, because yes, 100%. But I know that the more I manage myself, the better decisions I make, the better outcomes I have. And it looks like I'm great with time. That time element, the Ability to leverage and pack in tremendous impact into 24 hours, or we'll just say what's 24 minus 7, 17 hours, because that's how much I'm awake daily. The ability to pack in tremendous amount of impact in 17 hours every day is a result of me managing myself. It is a result of the decisions that I make because I have started. If you don't know me, I am a hypocrite. I do violate my own laws all the damn time. But I have begun and gotten better at choosing, right? Owning the fact that I am choosing the consequence of this decision. And either decision has a list of consequences. Which ones am I picking? I'm not a victim of them. I picked them. And so that's the takeaway, y'all. If you want like super, super deep, deep getting into like long-term future planning, uh, calendar schedule management, daily execution, hit drop double D in the comments because I'm hosting some uh time management workshops. It's online, 250 bucks a person if you're interested, or you know people that could benefit from it. It's a four-hour-long workshop. There's a bunch of other super cool stuff associated with it. Uh, but we get into like the mechanics, the tools, and the frameworks of being super, super more gooder at getting our big picture long-term view of how we want to impact the world, get it out of our head, uh, filter it, and actually prioritize it and commit some time to doing those things. And then we get into techniques of like, how do you like time management or or um excellence in execution is not about doing more, it really is about doing less. And so the second phase of the experience is about how do we get some stuff off of our plate? How do we make them smaller? And so we go over a bunch of techniques to do that, and then lastly, daily execution is like, okay, how do we get done and execute on a daily basis? Take small steps to produce giant results. How do we identify our distractions? There's a bunch of stuff, anyways. If you're interested, drop double D in the comments. I'll get you a link. It'd be super awesome to hang out with you. And for all the folks that jumped in the comments, I super, super appreciate you. Be kind to yourself, be cool, and we'll talk at you next time. Peace. Chicken but before you go, I want to thank you for spending part of your day with me. Your time and attention mean a ton. And it's because of listeners like you that this podcast even exists. If you enjoyed today's conversation, make sure to subscribe to the Learnings and Missteps podcast so you never miss an episode and you get extra credit if you share it with your friends. Also, if you want even more insights on leadership, personal growth, communication, you know, all those fancy magical things, you can sign up for my newsletter on LinkedIn because I got a newsletter that goes out every single Monday. All the resources I share there are designed to help you put yourself first so that you can leave this world better than you found it. There's also a digital copy of my book, Becoming the Promise You're Intended to Be. And it's sitting there waiting for you on my website. All you got to do is do the click and do the download, and you get the free PDF. And if you want even more bonus points, share that PDF with somebody you know or the family of somebody you know that is currently struggling with self-destructive behavior. That would be the ultimate gift for me. While you're there, do some exploring of the trainings, workshops, and services that are designed to enhance your performance at home and at work. Just click the link in the show notes to check it out. Thanks again for listening. Take care of yourself, and I'll see you on the next episode. Peace.