Part 2 of Fearless Compassion Breaking Down Borders with Maxine Gomez

I always invoked those values into whatever I did, which is we are ladies and gentlemen, serving ladies and gentlemen. So even in construction, which I now teach it's what I teach in the class that we are, we do our jobs with dignity and we are called to serve and that there is pride in the work that we do because we are, if you do it right, then you're actually helping people. Oh, yeah, that is miss Maxine. And welcome back to part two. Of this learning and missteps podcast conversation. You know, I don't think I told you on part one that Maxine's a mold remediation expert. On author. And a performance coach. So she brings a ton of experience and a ton of value with her. And I think that's why she didn't hesitate to ask me the question. That we teased you with in part one. And so here a part two. I go ahead and answer the question. which leads Maxine. And I took a conversation around our thoughts on designing our best life. And progressing from crawling to flying, which sounds a little wacko, and I'd love to hear your thoughts on it. My guess is some of y'all L and M family members are already flying. And if you're not, you're doing the crawling, you're doing the walking, you're doing the running and getting ready to fly. But first, I want to give a shout out to my brother, David Garcia. I connected with David. On through the Omni verse on the tick tock. And David took the time out to drop me this. David, you may not know it. I don't know if I told you, but your message was a very reassuring. Uh, motivating message. And of course I got a shirt with the L and M family members. So here we go. David says, bro, your new journey is like helping people become better at internal PR. Except instead of helping people spend BS into gold, you're actually helping them see through their own BS at their gold. Because there are so many people who have so many valuable natural resources they can draw from due to their experience. But nobody taught us how the hell to mine, our own minds. We do it for others all the time, because we see the value in their dreams. And David brother appreciate you. I wanted to share your message with L and M family member because. You've nailed it, man. Everybody's got value in their own minds, so get out there, put some sweat in and celebrate the value that you bring. And here we go to miss Maxine. But I wanted to ask you a quick question. Yes. What was that switch for you? Or when you start to notice it, what do you tell yourself to get out of it when you, right? Cause you said you created that prison. Oh yeah. What did you do to break out of it? Or when you start noticing it, how do you knock yourself out of it? Oh that's a beautiful question. Thank you for that question. I was completely enthralled in my addiction and I was in rehab. I was in inpatient rehab the last time. I'm working to make it the last time. And then I had a, what's that? I'm gonna hold you to it. Yes, ma'am. Please do. Please do. Because I, I wrote a book on it and I need to not go back to that self destructive behavior. Otherwise, the book loses all its value. So now thank you for also jumping on board and helping me stay true. So here was the thing that kicked me straight. There was a counselor there and, I had been through different rehab, different programs, all state mandated, meaning I got arrested a bunch of times. So I knew how to play the game to get my card checked so that I could get out. And that was my plan. I'm going to go in there, say what I need to say, behave the way I need to behave and get in and get out and not go to prison. That's the goal. One of the counselors one day pulled me aside. He says, Hey, Jess. You know what your problem is? Your problem is you haven't accepted. And of course I was being sarcastic. What do you mean? Come on, man. He's no. Like you admit you don't mind standing up and saying, hi, my name is Jesse. I'm an addict or I'm an alcoholic. You admitted it. Your problem is you haven't accepted it. Whatever. And he says, No. What you haven't accepted is that you will never become the promise you're intended to be if you continue living life the way you're living it. Yeah. And I've tried, I've spent a lot of time thinking about what I felt in that moment. Because when he said you'll never become the promise you're intended to be, I knew exactly what he was talking about. I knew the self betrayal that contributed to that. I knew all the moments that even for a millisecond, I aspired to be something greater than anybody would imagine for me. And then I Suffocate that out, like all of that happened in that moment and that was it. Okay, that's the whole, that's it. I need to become the promise I'm intended to be. And he didn't say, it's super important. He didn't say if you continue drinking or you continue womanizing. And he said, you continue living life the way you're living it. And so that was the thing, right? Is, okay, how am I living life such that it's creating this prison that I'm in? And little by little over the, seven plus years now, I've been able to work it and chip away at it. And so to the second part of the question of like, how do I Recognize the behaviors and say no. Let's keep going. When there, there's not a. Worn Path. It's a new path that I'm discovering. I, there's no answers and there's no guarantees. And I just take the next rightest step. And what are the qualifiers of it being the next rightest step? Is, am I sharing my gifts and talents in service to others? Period. If I'm not, when I'm not sharing my gifts and talents because I'm intimidated or scared or it's something I've never done before, like all that fear stuff, I am not on my path. I will not become the promise I'm intended to be. And so it's okay, is this going to be exciting? Check. Is this going to help somebody? Check. Do I need to know how to do it and do it perfectly the first time? No. Let's go baby. Let's do the damn thing. And so that's the model. What do you think? Oh my God. Thank you for sharing that. And I am so glad that clicked for you because you are clearly in your purpose and you are passionate now. So I'm glad I brought you here. Yes. It's, so that brings me to, to you. Staying in your purpose. Purpose seems like an important thing for you. What does the fulfillment feel like? Because I know we both know how much time, effort, energy, just thinking about the damn thing that you're working on. How much fulfillment do you get? When you're in your purpose. It's the equivalent to a spiritual experience To that sort of enlightening moment that aha moment and once you're in it, you almost raise your baseline of it yes, the first time you feel it. Oh, wow. I'm giving back I feel Good. This is what it's about. And then all of a sudden you get on the wheel and then the wheel has legs and then it has wings and then you're flying and you're like, Oh my God, why haven't I've had wings this whole time. What do you mean? That's what it feels like. Yes. Oh, I love that. Cause then you're flying and it's Whoa. It's not I'm flying this whole time, right? And damn it, I could have been flying all this time. I just wasn't. And why? Because of me. That gets a little tricky. I never go back and regret those things, right? Because we wouldn't have found out we could fly had we not crawled. So I don't like to beat myself up or others for what we could have done. More importantly, now that we are flying, that we can soar. Yes, ma'am. It's okay. So given that you completely understand and appreciate the progression of crawling to flying, how do you share your experience in benefit to others? And helping them transition. Have you spent any time in that space at all? Yes so it ties into your original question, which is the evolution of my career. My non linear, non career. So I was I was in college, and then I was deciding whether or not to start medical school. I started my first company, which is called Swipes Love Wipes. But during college, I worked for the Ritz Carlton as a bartender. And I always invoked those values into whatever I did, which is we are ladies and gentlemen, serving ladies and gentlemen. So even in construction, which I now teach it's what I teach in the class that we are, we do our jobs with dignity and we are called to serve and that there is pride in the work that we do because we are, if you do it right, then you're actually helping people. which is by cleaning, sanitizing, remediation, construction, building, whatever it is that we can do to bring our skills. So in that I was very lucky that my, one of my mentors who is in the remediation industry, he put me through StrengthsFinder. And the first, I don't know if you're familiar with it. Have you done that assessment? The first time I did it. No surprise here. Woo. I'm woo. Positivity, self assurance, adaptability, and relator, right? The first time I read that, I was like, how did this know? How did this know who I am? Wait a minute. If this knows me and this is what I'm destined to do, no wonder I've been getting all this wrong, right? I'm trying to be all of these things, but really, I just needed to remember what my strengths were. And then once I knew them and I could strengthen my strengths and be in them and not shy away from it, it became. such a tool that I could give back to others. So in addition to the remediation construction work that I do, I have a side business which is personal and business coaching because, how did you do it first? They're like, why are you doing it? Now they're like, how did you do it? And really building a business is a lot of the same framework, just applying it to whatever industry you're in. And so I work with CEOs that are bringing mission to their business for the first time. A lot of people went through the motions, right? They went to the best college. They married the best partner. They had the best kids. They sent them to the best schools. They opened up the best company. They made the best money. And then they're getting ready to retire. And they're like, I have no meaning in my life, right? Yes. And I built this wonderful company, but it does. Nothing impactful. So now I get to work with them to rediscover their strengths and build a legacy of the work that they've done. Or if you're a new company starting up I help build your team. Because I'm not going to hire somebody with my same strengths. Because I need somebody that complements my strengths, because although I have strengths, I have a ton of weaknesses. So I need to make sure that the people on my team can carry the weight that I don't. So yeah, I get to do that now. I get to empower people by helping remind them of what they are great at. What I love about what I do is that I'm not giving somebody my recipe. I could tell you exactly what my exercise routine is, what foods I eat, what supplements I eat. That's not going to be what fuels you. You need to find your perfect recipe. So I get to just shed light on other people. They just, a lot of it is very natural, but we get so distracted with the day to day that then it becomes overwhelming and they don't even know where to start. So their path is already laid for them, or they have a vision of what they would like, and I just get to illuminate it. Yes. Do you find there's a point where The more the, they finally stopped trying to be what everybody around them has been telling them they should be. And then things get easier for them all of a sudden. Watching those ahas is just magical. For me, like that resonates with me, right? People ask me what do I love about? What I do, and it's what are you talking about? Because I do a lot of stuff, but like particularly emotional bungee jumpers and sweat equity improvement. Those are two things I do that I just want to do them every minute of the day. And the reason is because I am present to witness the light bulbs to witness the transformation. And they happen so fast. And like I just want more of that. And so for me, it's like all of a sudden, Here's what I feel like. I feel like I'm escorting people into self discovery, right? That's what I feel like. Now that's how, just the word escort makes it sound risqué, but it's that thing of... It must be fun. Jesus God, it's so fun. And I don't, except for that one therapist, I don't know that anyone ever could guide me through it, or at least make sure I wasn't falling off the damn edge. But what I do remember... Is there was a period of time in my career. I was a plumbing foreman on the verge of becoming a superintendent. And I was fighting against my natural tendencies. So what I mean by that is they wanted to give me more responsibility. The company did because I, whatever I could perform and do the job. My team members, my peers wanted me to take the role. Because they trusted me and blah, blah, blah. But I was fighting against it because I'm like, man, I just want to work seven to three 30, and go home. That's what I thought I wanted. And so finally, when I stopped fighting against that, my natural talents and just said, okay, this is what I do without even trying, I'm just going to like, try not to do the other things. And it was like this treasure chest of capacity. That was there the whole time. I was able just to dip into it and continue going and growing and helping others. And so now, when I'm working with people, it's I can see how much amazingness they're not accessing because they're following somebody else's script. What do you think about that? Totally. A lot of what I do is give people permission. To let go of that. There's never been anybody that's told them like that doesn't, nobody cares. That doesn't matter. Yeah. You can do this. You are, you can design the life that you want. I can be me, right? Giving someone permission to be themselves. Nobody has ever released them of that stress before. Yes. Yes. So the word design I think is the operative word there, right? Because we can absolutely design our lives. And I think, you already touched on how you got to see your mom design her life. You've been around people all the way through. So in, in the designing of your life, because you're the architect of that life. Yeah. Is there a significant error or pain point that you made along the way that gave you like a big giant learning and maybe life lesson takeaway going forward? I have chosen to see all of my experiences as learning curves, but I can say that for parts of my life, I didn't value myself the way I should have, and I stayed in situations longer than I should have, because I thought... That I was doing the right thing or if, if I'm better, then they'll be better or, whatever pressure, whatever lies we tell ourselves, whatever pressure we put on ourselves, right? And then I had a friend once say to me, I was in a relationship and it's everything's so calm and everything's so nice and blah, blah, blah, blah. And my friend goes, Did it ever occur to you that you're the one that brings the calm? And I was like, Oh, that's right. I can take this with me. I'm out. Nevermind. It was not long after that I moved on quickly. But even still, I don't regret any of those experiences. And I have wonderful friends and family, and they all came with good things, or they came with learning things. And maybe I wouldn't have grown had I not beat myself up, right? I don't know. Maybe I didn't have to go through that, but I did. So here we are, but that's the name of my coaching business. I'm the tough love department. No way. Cause I'm the steel toes and stilettos. So the name of the coaching is Steel Toes and Stilettos? No, the name of the coaching is the Tough Love Department. The Tough Love Department. Okay, so it's pretty straightforward. I cut through the nonsense, right? No, I don't care what you've been told. I don't care what lies you tell. By the time you're working with me, I'm not holding your hand. We're jumping together. And, we're going to do it and that's it. And once you start with the excuses and the not, and I go no, that's for your therapist. That's not for me. With me we're taking steps forward. I'm not saying you shouldn't feel those things. I'm just saying, this is not the place for them. You get to feel them. Just not right now. Right now we're gonna get stuff done. Oh, that's so amazing. I know you did this on purpose, like the name itself helps people self select out. How true is that? A thousand percent. I am not for everybody. Some people don't want to. They like living in their life and that's fine. Yes. So have you, how many folks have you dealt with it? You get up to a point or maybe get a little bit started and then they're like, hey, I got to pump the brakes. And then come back. Does that? The work that we do is intensive. So sometimes it does require breathers or breaks. Or there's a lot on your plate that you gotta shuffle through before we're ready for the next step. But I've never had anybody give up or stop because the start process is pretty selective. I don't work with anybody. If you need a hand holder and you need a shoulder to cry on and that's it, we're not singing kumbaya. That's just not me. There are people for that and I can recommend you to them, but when you're ready, then we'll get started. So by the time they've come to me they want to be actionable. There's people in my life that What I've been able to observe is they'll get to a point, one, they're like, man, you're just too intense. I'm like, yeah, I've heard that a few times. You may have heard it once or twice. And I've been called all sorts of things, Jesse. And so I'm hey, I got you and I understand where you're at and you're going to get off the train station here. And that's okay. That's okay. When you're ready to get back on the train, there's another one coming. And it's interesting because one person in particular, we were, working through some stuff and I said, Hey, these are the actions. Call me when you take them. And nine months went by and, I feel, and I'm going to go check, but that's for her to do. So anyways, nine months come by, she called, Hey, we got to meet for breakfast. I'm like, okay, what happened? I did the thing like. Oh okay. When? She's last week. I'm like, ah, okay. And so we were talking and I said, Hey, what happened? Like nine months. And she says, those things were so terrifying. And I had some other stuff, personal relationship stuff that was consuming my energy. Like I didn't have, it was just too big for me. And I'm like, okay, but I finally did it and this was the outcome. And it was huge, right? Cause of course yeah, duh, it's going to make a difference. I'm like, okay, now here's the important part. And to the point you're making, like there's no point in regretting anything. So for me, even in the darkest times, there's something to be learned. What can I learn from this experience right now is as embarrassing, shameful, whatever it can be, what am I learning? Period. The rest of the stuff, whatever, it's done. It's okay, now that you've been here, looking back on, on what you actually experienced, would you wait that long again? And she said, hell no! It was nothing like the... Doomsday scenario that she had painted in her head of taking those actions. It was nothing compared to that. It was a walk in the park and I'm like, okay, I can almost pinky promise you that all the big decisions, the pain is not in the decision. The pain is in not making the decision. Like the one thing that brings me the most pain is sitting there. Running through the what ifs, instead of just doing the damn thing. I see you nodding your head, so you're like, yeah. I could have been flying this whole time! Exactly! What are these wings for? They're to fly, dammit! Fly! Yeah. Come on, let me show you. Yes, yeah. Okay, so construction, but what has it been like what's your experience been like in the building of business in construction? Was it, did you just decide, hey, construction looks interesting. I'm going to go do this thing. What was that trajectory like? Oh I did a retail product launch called Swipes Love Wipes. We sold an all natural, eco friendly, adult wipe for before and after intimate moments. PH balanced for the pig parts, biodegradable, compostable, and flushable. Made in the USA. Can't tell you how many times I said that at trade shows. Yes. It became an order taking business and it's a whole long story. But anyways, basically within 24 hours, my friend had moved here from Michigan and He was not used to the culture in South Florida and he was a public adjuster and he's you know how to build a business. I see all these contractors just doing whatever they want. I'm telling you, you can make a ton of money. And at the time I was heartbroken and I was starting from scratch again. And I was like, man, I don't know anything about this. And he's listen, it's not that hard. If it's wet, you dry it. If it's moldy, you tear it out, you show up on time, bill a fair price, and you'll never have to advertise. And he was right. Yeah. And, but I saw a lot of things during that time, which brought me to where I am now, which is there was a ton of fraud in the industry that was undocumented and unprotected workers. And there was again, that fork in the road where I could do things according to industry standards and make a ton of money and not. Sleep well with my conscious or choose the route to get certified as an instructor, do things correctly, teach the standards to the industry and raise the bar. I made a lot less money than he had promised, but I have longevity in the industry and now I'm one of the experts. Yeah. And this course that you teach, you mentioned teaching a couple of times, which seems to be a thread. What is it that you teach? Mold remediation. I teach the same course. So I show contractors how to do it. Ah, very cool. And of course, relationships. Is there any value in relationships, Ms. Maxine? What do you mean? The relationships you make with people out there in the industry. Oh, yes, of course. We're human, we're gregarious, right? We're community based beings. And it doesn't happen alone, right? There's no there's nothing I've ever done that I've done alone. I'm done with the help or the support or the collaboration of others. And even just now I was at a conference in Vegas for remediation. And the most valuable thing that happened was the conversations that I had there because I'm probably one of the youngest. I'm definitely one of the only women and to know. The industry experts are, maybe in their seventies and they are the rock stars of the industry and they are the original scientists that back all of this. They're the ones that actually write the laws for states and write and do the science to back these industry guidelines to know that as long as they've been in their careers. They are still passionate and excited and see the changes that are coming in the evolution of our industry. It just reignites what I do because I don't know if you know this, but there's only five states in this country, in the USA, there's only five states that have mold licensing laws. Even in the state of Florida, there's a tenant law, like to protect tenants. And it talks about building code. And that you have to have a safe building code to be habitable, air quality is not a factor in whether or not a building is safe. Oh wow. And now, that's in this country. There's basically no other country, and if there are, I don't know which ones they are, that have mold licensing laws. So if you're traveling and staying in hotels, chances are most of them have some kind of mold. And they don't have regulations to do anything about it. Yeah. And if they don't have to, they won't, right? If they don't have to, they won't. There are some high value people that will do the right thing, but they are few and far between. That is so true. So you have this business, you're teaching Coaching. And you have this other passion of having a global workforce. Yeah. That's a lot. And I'm sure you do all kinds of other things, right? Like self care, fitness, adventurous things. You talked about free diving. What footprint do you want to leave on the world? Oh leave no trace, right? Oof, like it never happened. I just hope to live my life to inspire others to live their best life. And if I can help other people actualize in their purpose. It was something you said at the beginning, like, how do you convince others of that? I think that's the point of it is that there are no others, we are one, right? So if I'm empowering them, I'm empowering myself and then that becomes the ripple effect. Yes. And if we can, one ripple at a time, raise our collective consciousness then I will have done my best. That's amazing. Yeah. It's like reciprocal propulsion. Yes. As we contribute, we find somebody else that contributes, they contribute, speak into my life, I speak into their life, and then it just, it grows. And I love it. We are one. Yes. Yes. And it's very funny because, I I say statements like that sometimes and I hear them come out of my mouth and I'm like, you just, you hit me at heart. And at the same time, my father's a quantum physicist and I studied neuroscience. And so people are like how can you say things like that? I'm like, because data shows it, like you just, there are, there, it's undeniable. And there are things that you, We humans have not evolved to the point that we can understand everything that is destined for us. And some things we have to act in faith. And there is a science behind that. Yes. So folks, you didn't hear it from me. You heard it from Maxine. And all I'm going to say is I told you there's just so much, right? There's just so much. Amazingness. And for a lot of reasons we walk through life trying to disconnect ourselves from it. Because, right? And because what? Because everything. Because we're people. But there are some wackos like us out there that... that are flying around because we know we're living it. Okay. So how can people get ahold of you? Where should they go if they want to get more of your energy? If they're looking for some tough love, like where are the spots to find you? Thank you. Either at DryTech247, DryTech247, or the Tough Love Department, D E P T. Tough Love D E P T. Awesome. And I'm assuming there's. There's some space for to give Dole out some more tough love. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. There's, it's one of those never ending things. And you get tough love. You get tough love. Everybody has tough love. you want to obviously Anson. Yeah. Because through, through scratching at the walls and digging that's how I found him was I was looking for guidance in immigration and I spoke with people in the immigration reform committee and I went up to Washington, D. C. I was talking to congressmen, digging and people like, just stop. It's not going to happen. And I met. These wonderful people at the Adult Coalition for Education and they turned me on to Amson. And I don't know if you or your listeners have talked about what he does with Purdue, but basically when I found out what he does with his program, I was like, that's it. It's possible. We're on it. And the reason I can be fearless is because other people have laid the path for me. And he's one of them. Amazing. He's an amazing dude. He's in, it's like just when I think I know what he's contributed to and what he's up to, there's like layers and layers of more geez, okay, I wanna be like you when I grow up because he's amazing and you too mix. I wanna be like you, Jesse And he's like us, that he's always laughing and smiley'cause he just loves what he does. Yeah, people always think, Oh my God don't you run out of energy? I'm like, no, I am fueled by this. It is what gives me the energy. Yeah. Somebody asked me that. Where do you get your energy from? And I was like, I wasn't prepared for the question because I had just taught a class and, I'm animated and I said, I think it's because I've designed my life such that I spend the majority of it. Sharing my gifts and talents and doing fulfilling work. And because that's what I'm doing, gives me more energy to continue doing it. And like you said, there's, the bar keeps getting higher and higher. So there's two of us now, Ms. Maxine, thank you. And LnM Family start sharing your gifts and talents. You want energy? Serve others. You'll get energy. I told you. I told you was going to be some fire coming through Ms. Maxine. We talked about the opportunity to share our gifts and talents and service to others. And if you're looking for some help for a boost. You can hit up the tough love department. I'll post the link down there in the show notes, so you can hit her up and just like she said, If you're ready do it. Um, if you need some codling, I'm pretty sure the tough love department. Ain't got none of that. All the coddling is on back order. and want to celebrate our sponsor. This episode is brought to you by becoming the promise you are intended to be. I know the author in that coal. Um, if you've ever wondered, who am I to think I can make a difference. This book is for you. The stories prove that honesty, tenacity, and reflection. Can change your life and the lives you touch. There'll be a link in the show notes. If you click on that link, it's going to take you to a landing page where you can download the first story for free. you'll get a sense of what that book is about in. My hope is that it'll touch you in some way, and it will compel you to share it with somebody you care about. Be kind to yourself. Be cool. And we'll talk at you next time.