Empowering Generations through Welding, Fabrication and Agency Carole Del Vecchio Part 2

So dependence is more on their part. Fear, I see. Fear of talking and saying the wrong thing, fear of getting in trouble, fear of being embarrassed.

Have you ever been working on something, diligently, trying to figure it out, struggling with it just a little bit, but you knew what you were doing. You're going to get it there, and then somebody comes along and rips the tool right out of your hands. Get out of the way. I got it. You don't know what you're doing. That's pretty damn frustrating. I've experienced that many times out in the field, maybe more often working with my dad, but I ain't going to tell on him. Now. Imagine that you're the instructor and you're teaching a group of people a new skill and your student comes and yanks the dang thing out of your hand. That is a terrible experience that I have never had, and this is something that my guest, miss Carol, experiences with an unacceptable frequency. She's all about empowering the future generation, so it's extra disappointing that she has to experience this. And you know, the irritating part is this behavior comes from man. I'm a man and it does not give me any kind of enthusiasm to know that man are still out there behaving that way. And for those that are open-minded and want to demonstrate respect and appreciation for women, miss Carol has some advice that will help you become a solid mali. And if you don't know what a mali is. A mali is a male ally to women. Listen closely, because it's some solid stuff. It's very easy, but it's going to take intentionality and awareness. And we got a whole bunch of other nuggets. If you listen to part one, you already know that you're going to get some good stuff, actionable stuff that you can take and apply. And before we jump into the conversation with Miss Carol, I want to give a shout out to LNM family member, miss Lynn Marie, a WNY coffee girl, if you're on Insta, miss Lynn Marie took the time to send me this awesome message she says, while I was taking a break. I decided to add your book to my what Are we Reading this Week. I enjoyed the book and, through struggles and success, your readers will be cheering you on. Thanks for sharing these stories with us and being an inspiration. Your leadership really comes through in this book. Lynn Marie, thank you so much. You are like uber supportive, and I'm sure you too have experienced successes and failures, and I applaud you for continuing to carry forward, especially with your puppets. I think that's super cool and I imagine that you may have experienced some naysayers along the way. And here we go on to the show. You heard you say the word university and here you say the word kids, and we're connected on LinkedIn, so I get to see your content. So right now, you're currently educating a couple of generations. Is that the fact?

Yeah, I have a new kid coming October 8th and he's just turning 7th.

Oh, my goodness.

Yeah, but his mom gets it. I grew up in this. I was around businesses and shops and making and doing stuff. It's not terrible, okay, you guys, it's not bad for kids as long as there's like supervision. So her take on it is let him be around it, let him be acclimated to it. I'm not going to let him do anything crazy, but little by little he'll learn the machine to learn safety and we'll find out if he likes it or not. And whether he makes a career out of welding and fabrication and mechanics it's irrelevant. It's just the exposure, the self confidence kids get want to when I teach them okay, this is how you do the horizontal dance, and blah, blah, blah. And then the day comes Okay, you just, they grow an inch or two, they stand taller, they are so proud of themselves that they're able to do things like that. And where else? I suppose you can learn it with other things, but machinery and adult person is allowing you to mess with machinery, that's great time.

Oh, you know, when I, as you said, they grow an inch or two, yeah, I think it's. This is you're reintroducing them to their agency.

Yeah, that's a good way to put it.

You're helping them understand that they can change the environment around them with their bare hands, and that is powerful.

Well, school takes agency away. Our school system needs to take agency away. Yes, that's really sad.

Thank goodness we have you out there doing that. So you're doing this with students, young students, and is that part of the university gig, or is that the carol gig? What's the where's?

the line I have metalwork by Carol. When I was younger I'd work all day and then come home and decide projects in my shop and then people started to grind me so much on price I'm only taking a job as quick and get rid of it, make some cash. And then I had interest from home school parents when I they saw my page because I did have kids every once in a while and that kind of took off. But I do workshops for adults any age, the university level, I'd say. I have some kids right out of high school. I have many adults are going through like retraining 30s, 40s. I've had a gentleman in his late 60s, so it really runs a huge age span.

And I'll add because of your courage and your humility, you can connect across the board.

Yeah, I'm just me.

Yeah, it's beautiful. Do you recognize how magical a power and skill it is that you have to be able to do that?

Somebody told me something like that. I did a professional development last I don't remember June or something like that and I really basically just told my story. I did a mini TED talk and I started with a story of how I figured out I could do this. My mom went to play bridge at her friend's house and I had to go because there's nobody to watch me. I wasn't that old 10 or 11. So this was going to be a total drag. I don't have to hang out all day while they play bridge. But this other lady brought her son and so we just they put us together in the backyard and I spent hours talking and love. At the end of the day my mother told me that her friend told her that it was magical because that young boy doesn't talk to anybody. He was like a troubled kid. So I've always been like this. I was the Pied Piper. You know, in my neighborhood I started the Wiffleball games and the Dodgeball games and I just have. I guess I place a really large value on relationships and community and I just don't see how anything can get done in any fashion that makes any sense until you have that foundation. So just, I told them I can teach anybody how to do this. You just got to get out of yourself, you just got to be who you are. People know, people feel it. If you're really you, there's none of that. I don't know what it is Interference, static, whatever you can feel it. I know when I meet somebody who's just really legit, I love it.

I love it. And kids know more, like immediately, instantly sense it and it they will adjust their behavior accordingly, more so than like adults don't. I will say it this way Adults adjust their behavior to come for right, to be accepted. Kids know if I'm real or not, and if I'm real, I get invited to play, and if I'm not, there ain't no playing happening. That's the difference. I love kids because there ain't no pre 10 or anything like you be you, I'll be me, and we can play together.

If you want to play. They're not ashamed of feeling whatever there, whatever mood or they're in. That's who they are at the moment. They don't have to cover it up or pretend, or and William has been coming to my show he's 11 hours of 12. Anyway, he was not himself the other weekend and I asked him and he goes. I'm just really blah and I go. All right well, let's plan to do something more fun. Let's do something that's not a serious fabrication. Next week, let's go look through pictures and we'll come up with a metal art that you really like. That, you think is when you play soccer. We're going to make a little stick soccer guy with a little soccer ball, and I mean, adults just have learned to suck it up and there's some times where you just got to suck it up, but there's nothing wrong with saying, hey, I'm sucking it up tonight, but I really feel like shit. Yeah, you can do that you can do that. You're allowed to do that I like that I feel blah, because all right.

I know what you're talking about. So I know this because you told me and I think it's awesome and I also saw you post about it. But you just recently got some like major recognition. Your name is going to be on the wall for a lot of people to see. How's that experience been unreal.

Yeah, I didn't see a comment, I have to say and I hate to be negative, I'm honest, I can. You can consider it critical if you'd like, but it is just how it is. As a female in the area in which I work, I don't get a lot of recognition. I'm not really out there looking for it would be nice, but I take my joy from what I do and the effects that it has on kids. But there's a gentleman who, oh my gosh, I had no idea the extent of his credentials.

We had a meeting this morning.

I'm in the sky and like I should be like Genuflecting. Wow, it's just amazing to see her in your presence. You're so brilliant and you've done so many things. I'm just a little baby professor, but I he liked me. He just liked everything I said and he I guess he asked people about me and you get this award is just a recognition award to get your picture put up on a special wall in the main building at my university and I'm like, for real, it's not really going to hit home till I walk into the school. Yeah, but I'm not saying I don't like it. It's pretty cool, yeah, yeah.

Well, it's how you touched on something. In the space that you're in, you're not really. There's not a lot of energy or effort put into recognizing all the damn effort and energy that you put into your work, not just for yourself and your students, but for the department or organization as a whole. Is that true?

Yeah, we talked about this a little bit and I will talk about it. I want all the guys out there to know that just because a woman's good at something, it doesn't mean they're trying to steal your thunder. If I get to be good too. So my whole life, because I was really strong, my father called me the bull and I carried all the stuff and started when I was really young, right, and I had one of those bodies that just built muscle so I would run and my thighs would get like about foot wide. I'm like, gee, I don't know if this is what this looks like, but I was super strong. I arm wrestlers, guys in high school and one stuff like that. It was just natural for me to be strong. I even took karate for a while and they, let us do, they let us start with the guys, but I kept winning, so they stopped it and I'm like, why is this happening? I don't understand it. The stronger and tougher I got, the worse it got for me.

No but.

I'm pretty old. It's different. Now I see women have more opportunities to just be beefy and strong on it, but back in the day for me it was like really difficult and I never really understood why men who hated each other all day long would bond together against me. It would happen a lot. It would happen a lot. That girl voice club, it truly still doesn't exist. I find it still sorry guys, silly and childish. I think you should get over it. I think you should evolve to a point where you can look at another person just as they equal human being. But, I keep praying. Talk to God about it every night We'll see what happens. It's not a bad thing. It's not a bad thing. I understand ego. Men are not the only people that have ego, but a society. Women are raised that they have to walk on eggshells and don't say this and don't say that I've never done that my whole life. I have to be me, and if I can't do it by beating people up anymore, which probably would not be good for job security, I will do it. I'll do it my brain, because I have one. I do, I have one, and I'm not trying to make anybody feel stupid. Are I not allowed to have the IQ that God has given me or I've worked so hard to develop? So if anybody out there wants to send me some information so I can understand this better, I would deeply appreciate it.

So Judalyn Cassidy, she started this. She used this word like she recognizes men that support the organization as male allies. Yes male allies, which I think that's a phenomenal word, right, and the fact that she's celebrating that. So if you could have, if you had your druthers like the list of simple, easy behaviors a male I should exhibit.

I can tell you that they shouldn't. Here's one. Let me help you with that. I guess, someone says that to me one more time, I think my head's just going to pop off. I have been working, I do, I work fabrication by myself. One hand I got a whole piece of just a clamp, but I can do all that. I had had tools ripped out of my hands because I'm not doing it right. Ok, yes, it's true. So I very calmly look at them and I say, please, you're helping me to death because I don't need it. And then I almost had a t-shirt made that was going to say if I need help, I will ask for it.

Now.

I know that I look at, I know that I'm encroaching upon male territory. I am a welder, fabricator, mechanic. I use tools, I'm old but I still got some beef I can do a lot. Give us some space to just be confident. Don't be afraid. Why don't you just say do you need any help? That's nice, that's very courteous, and then give the person an opportunity to say sure I could use it or no. Thank you, I'm good and trying not to take a fence If you're not needed. That's the part. That's the part that's hard, but there will be other moments where you will be needed. Try not to be upset about it. It's just one person being who they are. No one's trying to. What did you say? You told me once something Fear of being. What was that? Fear of missing out? Yeah, fear of missing out, Fear of missing out. It's so hard to really define why people feel so challenged by another person. We all do. I have changes of that, but I know what it is. I just say to myself come on, Cheryl.

Yeah, it's here. It's here, it's not like out there. It's in your head, it's between my ears, it's in your head.

And I'm all about helping people. I will help anybody who needs help, but I'm also as a teacher. I get when it's extremely important to let a student do it alone, because in that space of feeling competent they grow as a person. So think about that the next time you go to help someone, because are you really helping them to help them or are you helping them to help you?

Oh, that is so powerful, carol. So a couple of things that is huge, like huge life lessons here, right, because yes, and so a confession. I'll give a couple of confessions. One's a good one One's not so good.

Okay, that's cool.

So in a long period of time I would bless people with all of my knowledge and experience. Right, I'd come like why are? you doing it like that, you should do this and you should try that and you should do this, and then I'd get frustrated. Right, I'd come up with a list of here are all the improvements you can make, and this is the gains that you could have, and here's what you need to do. And then I'd fly away off into the sunset and then come back and do any of it and then my little feelers are hurt, like I can't even help you and nobody wants my help and nobody respects me, and all this garbage. The truth was, they didn't ask for help. And that feeling of getting the tool yanked out of your hand, I know that feel. Because it was like working with my dad, and that's what it was like working with certain plumbers as I was coming up in the trade. Get out of the way, let me do that. You're taking too long. What am I supposed to learn Learn?

Right.

But yes, they were taking the tool out of my hand. But back to agency. They were taking my agency away from me.

Yes, they were.

And so when a man does that to a lady, that is not okay. So there's my confession. I've taken agency away from a lot of people to feed my ego and reinforce how awesome I am. Now I'm going to butter it up now. One, madi, who I was with for the last amazing powerful woman. We had gone to the grove, she was fixing lunch or something. She was trying to open the pickle jar and she was struggling. But I recognize her fierce independence, so I just didn't say anything, right, because she didn't ask for help and she fought and, yeah, I just kept doing my deal, whatever I was doing. And it was interesting because I could see her looking at me like, hey, stupid, I'm over here struggling. And she put it under hot, she did all the tricks and then she says Jesse, can you open the dang jar for me? And I said yes, ma'am, and I went and it was actually really hard to open, but I got the dang thing open and she's I'm a little pissed off that you didn't come help me and I'm also really grateful that you didn't come help me. And so my takeaway from that was and it's something I do and it's a weird mix up in my head because my mom raised me. You open the doors, you walk on the outside of the street. This is what you do, and so I'll open a door like I can't help myself. It's my habits. What I do Now, like when I'm especially on planes, I'll see people struggling to get their baggage up in the dang thing, and I'm very intentional about the words I use and I will ask may I help you? Because I'm asking for permission to help. I am not saying give me that, get out of the way. Is that enough? Is that good, do I get?

permission? No, it really is, even if you just said would you like some help, I'm here if you need it. I just you give the person the shot, let them take shot, let them try Right, and then if they need help and I get that oh, you don't want to get into society and stereotypes and how badly this has messed up both men and women and degrees that are really so intricately interwoven and unhealthy ways. It's nobody's fault, jesse. You know what I mean, right, and the rules are very different today. I've always been like this since I was a kid. I didn't have to morph into a new society. I just was like get out of my way. The truth is, people need just to. It is a form of respect not to take over in a way that is viewed as dominating for anybody right, may I help you? Can I help you? Would you like some help, and they might turn to you and I try you know or maybe not in such a nice way, know, but just to assume that you have to be there to do it for them. That's disrespectful.

Agreed, agreed.

And.

I know there's probably some people out there that are gonna be squirming when they hear this I'm just trying to help. It's not to say that your intent is to disrespect somebody. It's to say slow down, let's be humans and offer help. Don't be invasive about the help you think they need, because you haven't confirmed that they need or want help yet.

Yes, I agree. But I tell you what, if it were flipped some guy was struggling and I went over and took it I'd probably get cold cocked. I've experienced that.

I was grown up with single mom, I learned how to iron my clothes. By the time I was 11 years old and to this date, there ain't nobody that's gonna iron my clothes. Period. Ain't nobody that's gonna wash my clothes. Period I learned mom taught me how to cook. She said I'm teaching you these things because I don't want you to marry some floja like lazy woman, because you need her to take care of you. And I said okay, fine, so fast forward, 20s, 30s this doesn't happen anymore. But back then I'm gonna do you don't know what you're doing, let me do that. What the hell you assuming I don't know what I'm doing? I've been washing my clothes and it did elicit a defensive response. Because why you assuming I don't know how to do this? I can cook, go back to sleep, I'm gonna cook, I got this Right and so I understand and I know the frequency at which I've had that experience is much smaller, but I do understand, like that opposite sex saying or opposite gender saying you don't know what you're doing, let me do that for you. That's not the words that they use, but that's what their behavior communicated.

I also teach another course at another institution. It's a union course. It's employees can take these development courses and the welding course always has a huge weight in lunch.

Yeah.

I can do what I'm teaching and I wanted to make it interesting. So I have oodles of hardware and horseshoes and railroad spikes and I bring them because these guys are not changing careers to become professional welders. They just want to be able to add a skill set to whatever they're doing at their job. So, I take these buckets and I dump them out on this big fabrication table and you? It's just amazing to watch these guys get creative. I never comment on that level, but I think it's really good for them to be able to say I'm gonna do something fun here for many reasons which I won't get into, but I want to talk to you about the buckets. They're old, okay, and they're that thin galvanized steel so the bottom had separated on one and. I wasn't gonna pour all this heavy stuff in it, try to carry it out and have a break. So I just went over to a machine you don't need much. Most people don't know when you take a car apart.

It's just not even any real welders. And I didn't do a fancy job.

I had a little burn through here, but I did that little thing. That's gonna hold. I know it's gonna hold, because I've done this for many years. Oh, that's not gonna work. You can't weld that. There's no real weld on there. I'm so used to this and I go yeah, just watch, I just piled it in and let's see what he's talking about. Even when I'm the teacher with lots of experience, there's still that you shouldn't be able to be telling me how to do it, even though all my reviews great teacher, that's a fun nose or stuff. And I'm like why explain this to me? Do I not have the right anatomy? Is that it? Am I missing something that's making it impossible for me to be a good welder? That could be it.

That's probably exactly the criteria that then goofballs have in their mind, and it's disappointing. You can't even say it's disappointing, because it's gonna happen again and you're not the only one experiencing it entrenched way of thinking that is still very prevalent in construction and welding.

And, you know, because you're trying to make a big paradigm shift which is absolutely necessary for the survival of the industry.

So, carol, I know you in the short time and limited connection that you and I have had. You've impacted my thinking, you've impacted my life, my way of seeing things and appreciation for things. And I know you're doing that for young students and maybe less than young students. So I'm curious what do you? What's it, what is the promise that you are intended to be?

hmm, I was scrolling through Instagram or tiktok about a week ago and this guy was talking about being an empath, which I believe I truly am, because I walk into a room and I feel everybody before I even talk to them. I've always had that. Some people think it's a result of growing up with a very off-balance parent, which was definitely my experience, as much as it's a double-edged sword, because you carry a lot. I do. I carry a lot on my shoulders because I'm so aware I think that's it for me, that's this blessing. Slash curse allows me to get into people's minds, hearts even, and I, because I can do that and I I really feel that I'm easily, people easily trust me, that I won't hurt them. I am, I'm able to really make some changes in people's ways of thinking. Maybe not today, maybe five years from now or ten years from now, but I can see people's Fears or people's insecurities and I'm right there. I'm like what do you mean? You can't make the call? Come on, sit down right here, let's do it together. We'll make the call. And I want to tell you about Mia. She's a little bit Origenia, not even funny. Oh, she came in. I just really want to learn how to well. Okay, mia, let's do this. We can do this. Carol, my schedule is all messed up. I go what do you want to? You got a call the register. I can't call the register. Yes, you can me, and we're gonna call the register. You know what she's doing today. She's in her first year apprenticeship at a sheet metal union.

Oh, amazing yes.

And I'm all. I am 24-7, accessible to any one of my students for as long as I'm alive on this planet. So if she has an issue, I don't care what time is. I've worked around the clock time has no meaning my gates when I drove, or like midnight once. One morning I'm out and I love this middle of diesel in the morning, I don't care, I don't care what time it is, I'm sure it's going out. You got a problem. I hear my phone. I'll answer you. I'll answer you immediately into me, and no that, if she ever gets into a situation, she needs some support on there. So I think that's it. I think that's it. Yeah, that's yeah, that's.

It is an understatement, but I get what you're saying because that is tremendous. Anybody you or who do you want to give a shout out to miss carol?

Wow, there's so many people honestly and you know what? So many are Winston people. You for one because this works both ways. my friend, I am like so I watch you Run and all over carrying the message and I'm like Amen, amen, for you're on the crusade right Making people aware and trying to remind people that we're really just all the same here. So I was just cut out the crap and let's deal with what we got to do. I love all the people who are bringing focus to the trades, even though welding is a considered part of construction, which really blows my mind. I don't know when that divide happened, but I don't think this is my imagination. But since I started putting up posts about what I do in my shop and with young people, I've seen more and more welding instructors and people in construction saying, yeah, this is my kid, he's five years old and check out, we try, run a tractor. So I think anyone who's starting to make things more visible right now in my life are just so essential to me, because I've been doing this for a long time and we desperately needed to bring back the trades. Dude, steve, he's cool. I don't know mostly from the no BS tribe, from the Saturdays that I'm not teaching and I'm hanging out with you guys. I've met just a ton of people who are like cutting edge, authentic, and I need to see that, I need to believe that there's more people out there. Yeah, that's about it.

Oh, that was amazing. I love the cutting edge. Authentic. That's a hashtag. Yes, we need it, we need it, and my belief is, the more we do that, the more we'll show up. Yeah.

Jesse, it's basic marketing, man. If you want something to happen, you've got to put it out there. If you got it in the closet all locked up, how much is going to happen like that?

Oh baby, she said it. Cutting edge, authentic. If that doesn't describe Carol, I really don't know what else. Just totally nails it. You know, one of my favorite things that we talked about was agency and giving students their agency back. It's an interesting time that we're in, but I think, with all the LNM family members out there being intentional and contributing their gifts and talents to others, we will absolutely give more and more people their agency back and that agency will be used to leave this dang rock better than we found it. And lastly, before we go, got to remind you that this show is sponsored by becoming the promise you are intended to be. It's a book. It's got 20 real stories that I live through that will get you unstuck and help you know that you're not suffering alone. So if you think you are alone in your fear and doubt, this book will show you that you are not absolutely not alone and it'll give you some courage to share your story and service to others. And that's one little cheat code that I found out along the way is, in sharing my story, not only does it benefit others, it also benefits me. It helps me understand where I've come from and reminds me of how much I can actually take and it's quite a bit. So, folks, be kind to yourself, be cool and we'll talk at you next time, peace.