Dec. 4, 2025

Become the Connection: Bryce Harem’s Modern Take on Leadership

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Season 3

In this episode, Jesse hosts Bryce Harem, founder of BTG Services and creator of the Middleman Mindset, as they discuss the essence of true leadership, personal struggles, and the ways to effectively bridge the gap between office and field in the blue-collar industry. Jesse and Bryce explore the importance of self-leadership, authenticity, and communication, while also touching upon their personal experiences and the profound lessons they've learned along the way. Bryce shares how journaling, gratitude, and the ability to navigate pressure are key to becoming an effective middleman and leader.
00:00 Introduction to Leadership and the Bridge Concept
00:21 Welcoming Mr. Bryce Harem
01:49 The Middleman Mindset and Personal Struggles
05:37 The Importance of Self-Leadership
14:58 Confabulation and Assumptions
21:43 The Power of Vulnerability
29:16 The Role of the Middleman in Leadership
32:32 Building Bridges in Leadership
33:21 The Middleman Mindset
38:13 Authenticity and Leadership
46:05 Gratitude and Personal Growth
50:37 The Middleman Mindset Academy
54:19 Effective Communication in Leadership
01:00:14 The Promise of Being the Bridge

Set the stage for an amazing new year with the Self First Framework.

https://calendly.com/jesse04/self-first-webinar

Download a PDF copy of Becoming the Promise You are Intended to Be
https://www.depthbuilder.com/books

00:00 - Becoming The Bridge

01:21 - Guest Intro And Mission

06:55 - Hitting Bottom And Choosing Sobriety

10:49 - The Why Journal And Self-Awareness

17:20 - Assumptions, Shoulds, And Confabulation

25:14 - Vulnerability, Shame, And Real Leadership

32:08 - The Middleman Mindset Explained

40:57 - Money, Titles, And Losing Yourself

47:09 - Authenticity Over Approval

53:34 - Creating Energy And Embracing The Suck

01:00:34 - Gratitude That Rewrites Hard Times

WEBVTT

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Needed rather than trying to get to the other side of the bridge, I needed to become the bridge.

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That's the goal of leadership.

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My goal is to provide the understanding to empower those to cross over to the other side and help them become better than me.

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That's the goal of a leader.

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What is going on, LM family?

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Back again.

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And this time I got somebody that kind of has a heart for the same kind of stuff I have a heart for, which is blue-collar people, right?

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Folks out there that put their hands on tools and build and maintain the things that we do.

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He is the creator of the middleman mindset, which of course we're going to get into.

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And he's helping blue collar leaders lead themselves first, which I absolutely love.

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His name is Mr.

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Bryce Harram.

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He's the founder and owner of BTG Services, and we're about to get to know about all of that stuff.

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But before that, and if this is your first time here, you are listening to the Learnings and Missteps podcast, where you get to see super awesome people just like you sharing their gifts and talents to leave this world better than they found it.

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I am Jesse, your selfish servant, and we're about to get to know Mr.

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Bryce.

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Mr.

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Bryce, how you doing, brother?

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I'm good, brother.

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How are you?

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And I agree, I agree.

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Jesse is the man.

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He's the man.

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You're you know what?

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You're my favorite guest ever.

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How's that?

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Like I'm ready.

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I'm gonna go back and watch every episode, make sure you haven't said that before.

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Well, it might be some editing that has to take place between now and then, but yeah, man.

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Oh man, I'm glad to have you on here.

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And so yeah, man.

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I like to start with a simple kind of teaser question.

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And so we'll start with the softball question.

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Why does someone have to learn to lead themselves first?

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Oh, I don't know.

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I don't know if that's a softball question.

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That's a deep question, man.

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Let's I'm gonna I'm gonna start with why I decided to lead myself first and how I figured that out.

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And it really came down to I'm a middleman.

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Uh I look at the middleman as somebody who answers to expectations from above, but is also trying to lead what I call as the bridge.

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You are you are the one who is trying to lead people below you, above you, and next to you.

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You're dealing with it from all sides.

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And if you're not careful, those pressures, those challenges eat you up.

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And for me, they did that.

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Yeah, they did that 100%.

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And it happened at a time, honestly, and we can go as deep as you want into it, but in a time that was the most financial success I had had and the team had.

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We yeah, I had everything on paper looked great, but I was drowning, and the only way I knew how to solve the problem was to drink the pain away.

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And I just started, I mean, it's so common in this industry because it's it's such a norm.

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I just I would come home and I would drink to forget, and I'd wake up and I'd do it again.

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And yes, it was easy to justify it because everybody does it.

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And I in a time when everybody was things were going well and the team wanted to run it back and everything was smooth at the end of the season, I was ready to walk away and told the team I was done.

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And I just if that was the way it was gonna be, if that was the way it was as the boss or the leader of that team, I said, I want no part of it.

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I just yeah, I don't like the person I'm becoming if that's the case.

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And I took the weekend, I took the weekend to think about it, and I started what I now call my Y journal today.

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And it's where I dive into rather than deal with anxieties or stresses through drinking or whatever the case may be, I was also nicotine was also extremely bad for me.

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Um and I started going into journaling and the Y journal specifically to dive into the root cause of the problem to get where I needed to go.

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And when I got down to that weekend, I started my Y journal as the first time I ever started it, and I wrote, Why do you love the industry?

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And it came down to the people.

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I know you and I have agreed on this before.

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It is the people, and I've said it before, I'm gonna keep saying it.

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We are dysfunctional in the absolute best way possible.

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Now I was just speaking with some of a friend this morning, and we were talking about it.

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How I personally, I might be biased because this is my industry, but I don't know of another industry that you get such a wide spread demographic of people, yeah, from office to field and everything in between backgrounds, second chances, third chances.

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Heck, we even got fourth chances, fifth chances, whatever it is.

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But it all comes together somehow.

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We have to all come together to make it work.

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Yeah, and it makes for some fun.

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Absolutely.

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So I decided to stay.

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I told myself I need to stay, I'm here for the people.

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I gotta stay, I gotta be here.

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But I need to find a way to handle this, to make this what I call the foundation up here.

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And so I went back to the drawing board, and it's where I think a lot of leadership training honestly fails these days, is we if you get lucky enough to be taught how to delegate, how to train, how to set expectations, and all those things, which are widespread far in between in general.

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But if you're lucky enough, well, what happens when pardon my French but shit hits the fan?

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Yeah, because it will.

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And if you don't have the things to fall back on, the the habits, the whatever it is, the awareness, the reflection, those things to fall back on, it's gonna tear you apart.

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And so in the middleman mindset, we start with lead yourself first, because you're going to face the pressures, you're gonna face the anxieties, the stresses, the challenges.

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So we build from the foundation up, which is up here, going through how to reflect, how to get awareness, how to build the identity of what you want, and then the ongoing habits to actually structure that and teams and time management.

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Oh, I love it.

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I get, and I'm sure you get this question a lot like, I want to be in leadership.

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What do I need to do to be a leader?

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And my answer, it I'm super basic.

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It's two things.

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Number one, you have to have a direction.

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Because if you don't have your own direction, you ain't leading nobody nowhere.

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Yeah, yeah.

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Like, period.

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And I give some flexibility, like, even if it's a dumb direction, at least you have a direction.

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And as well as I do, that freaking direction is gonna change a million times over the years.

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So just have a direction, right?

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The second thing I say is you gotta have followers, right?

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If you don't have a direction and nobody's following you, you're not leading.

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And it's so, which I think connects nicely to what you're saying.

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Like, you gotta lead yourself first.

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Now, you mentioned a few things: journaling, self-awareness, time management.

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Yeah, why are those things?

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What's the value of those things?

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Why do you think we miss those?

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Like you know, and you already know I'm guilty of this too.

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I got promoted like crazy, and those things I had not, I didn't have that skill set until later in life.

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So, why do you think it doesn't come naturally to us?

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And how much does that contribute to like your situation where you get to a point where it's like forget all of this, it ain't worth it.

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Yeah, man.

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I think it's because honestly, it's humbling that you yeah, I mean, you think you have to be you have to drop the ego to go and ask somebody for help.

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Well, you really gotta drop the ego to dive into why am I failing?

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Really understand where it's coming from.

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When I went through it, I came back and I talked to the team and said, I need to change the entire way I lead.

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And it's gonna start with myself, and that sounds odd because a lot of people say, Oh, not gonna the first thing we do is cut out the time for ourselves.

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Typically, I have three domains I put everything in, and this is part of that process of self, relationships, and work.

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Those are the three domains, and I work inside all of those with the time management blocking that I do.

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And the first one we always cut out, we make time for the relationships, or we make time for work, but then what are we sacrificing?

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And people will say, Well, it's I feel selfish if I'm working out or I'm meditating or reading a book or journaling and doing those things.

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And it's it is the most selfless thing you can do.

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Yes, because if you truly want to show up for your family, for your team, for your friends, relationships, whoever it is, you need that in order to show up with the best possible form you can, yeah.

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And I think that's for me, awareness is the boilerplate of all of it.

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I went six months just relentless reflection and awareness and really digging into okay, why am I insecure about this?

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Why do I have these characteristics?

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Why is my default character this way?

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Does it stem from some traumatic event, or is it just who I am?

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I want to do the LM family member shout-out.

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And this one goes out to Mr.

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Jeff Riley.

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Mr.

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Jeff, I appreciate you.

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He left me a Google review because now I'm like official.

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I have a Google page where you can leave reviews.

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Anyways, he says, This was a great experience.

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It really gave me a roadmap on how to effectively improve work in the field.

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This was all taught with passion and enthusiasm that made an eight-hour day go by fast.

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Jesse is the man.

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And which Jesse?

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This Jesse right here.

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That's who he's talking about.

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And Mr.

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Jeff went through a full-day workshop of sweat equity improvement.

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And so, Jeff, thank you, bro, for taking the time to leave that.

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And for the rest of you out there, y'all already know I love me some attention.

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And when you do take the time to leave me a review, give me a shout-out, or comment on some of the posts, it gives me an opportunity to shout you out in the future.

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And so I kind of went all the way back into finding that out.

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And I'm a controversial opinion that we are not able to change our default character.

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I believe what you have as your default character is your default character.

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However, you can pick the direction you want to go and you can change the course once you become aware of it.

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If you now I've got a voice in my head that says, Okay, well, this is my instinctive reaction of to be this way.

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And but who I want to be and where I want to go, that voice says, Oh no, take a minute, you're going this way, and that's what awareness does for you.

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Oh, I love it.

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Have you ever read the book Man's Search for Meaning?

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I have not, dude.

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I'm gonna add it to my list.

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It's it transformed my life, and there was one quote specifically that it totally changed.

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I was in the middle of my addiction, I wasn't in rehab yet, but it helped me on my path, anyways.

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There's a quote, so it's written by Victor Franco, who's a Holocaust survivor.

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Freaking, I mean, this book has got real heavy shit in it, so be ready.

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But the quote was this, and what you just said kind of stirred it up in my head.

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And within that space lies our power to choose, and then it goes on to say, and when we exercise that power, we can make that space bigger.

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Of course, I'm not quoting it, but this is the justified version of what the message was.

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You just gave me goosebumps, man.

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Dude, right.

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I mean, it's in like when I was reading it, this is coming from a dude that like survived these camps when everybody around him was dying, and it was a like it was there was no hope.

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And so it was, I mean, and he made it through, but that his mindset was what helped him.

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And I remember like thinking, man, at this point in my life, I was drinking because of everybody, it was their fault.

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The guys pissed me off at work, the GC pissed me off, my ex pissed, like it was everybody else's fault.

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I honestly functioned as if I didn't have a choice because my default, like you pointed out, my default was to numb myself with alcohol and anything else, really, back then.

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And then I was like, wait a minute, it's not their fault.

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I'm just not choosing, it just totally freaking rocked my world.

00:14:34.919 --> 00:14:44.360
You just, I mean, once you're capable of realizing that almost everything is a choice, yeah, brother.

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Yeah, one of that is one of the most freeing things you want to do, and you'll notice a lot of people when you lack that awareness, when you lack that choice, that this decisiveness of being able to say, Okay, whoa, that's where you get into what I call the personalities that burn the bridge.

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When you get into the victim, the even the micromanagers, the confabulators, all these things, if you have awareness, you can pull yourself back out.

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Yes, but when you don't, that's you just you sit in that lane, and it's no surprise we are fucking stubborn as hell.

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Yes, and you're not gonna change that opinion.

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Yeah, but the moment you actually say, Okay, whoa, this isn't this doesn't feel right, or I don't like the way this is going, I want to change who I am or who I can become.

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Now you can make choices, and that's one of the most freeing decisions you can do.

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Oh, 10 four man.

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Okay, you said a word that I never heard before confabulators.

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Yes, that tell me.

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This came from I I first heard it from Miss Brene Brown.

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Uh she's uh Dared Lead, she's wrote multiple books, but Dared Lead was the main first one I read from her.

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And she talks about confabulations and confabulators.

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Okay, and it is one of my 10 personalities that burn the bridge.

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Don't ask me to remember to recite them all because I can't remember, remember them off the top of my head.

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But the confabulator is one of the most dangerous ones, honestly, because it is we all have a narrative we tell ourselves, right?

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We all have something, a story that we shape in our own mind.

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And when you're doing that, the problem is that can be negative or that can be positive, and that's where that awareness comes in.

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But when you take a partial truth, so you take like a 75, let's just say 75% truth, and you mix that with what you assume or believe to be true.

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The problem is you have a basis of okay, this is right, but you have a narrative you shaped if you're if you have a negative narrative about the situation in general, then you are going to form the conclusion for that.

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So without the evidence, you create what the problem is, and you create that in your head.

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And one of the biggest problems about it is it's very hard to detect because you people truly believe it.

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You're not lying because you believe it to be true, but it's also very believable.

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And so if you are a person of influence on the team, let's say a foreman or superintendent or a project manager or worse owner, CEO, whatever it is, you have people following you, and you are making an impact, you're influencing them all the time.

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If you carry that narrative, now they buy into it.

00:17:38.599 --> 00:17:43.880
Yeah, and pretty soon you have a whole team that spreads negativity that spreads like wildfire.

00:17:44.200 --> 00:17:46.440
Yes, okay, got it.

00:17:46.519 --> 00:18:08.119
So confabulation is partial truth, justification of something, and finding reinforcing data to say this is true, this is because there is some truth, yes, but it's not all entirely true, and then it kind of becomes my scapegoat to hide behind and say, well, because XYZ.

00:18:08.519 --> 00:18:19.240
And the only way I have found to truly break it down, if you're trying to discover, okay, is this if something feels off and you're like, Well, is this person is this a confabulation, for instance?

00:18:19.480 --> 00:18:30.839
If you ask enough questions and you come into it with a I would say lead with curiosity and you start asking, you will notice that there's no evidence, there's no documentation to back it up.

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Yes, and so then it's like a well, it's obvious.

00:18:33.880 --> 00:18:34.839
Well, it's not obvious.

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Where do we find out?

00:18:36.039 --> 00:18:39.240
Is the company is the company stealing from us?

00:18:39.480 --> 00:18:41.240
Well, oh yeah, I'll be obviously.

00:18:41.319 --> 00:18:41.720
Oh, cool.

00:18:42.200 --> 00:18:43.240
Show me where they're stealing.

00:18:43.480 --> 00:18:45.079
Well, I mean I just know it.

00:18:45.319 --> 00:18:45.559
Okay.

00:18:45.720 --> 00:18:49.559
So you get into that part of it, yeah, yeah, and that's when you can start to tell.

00:18:49.640 --> 00:18:59.480
And so if you can train people and teach people how to ask those questions to figure that out, and especially the the young, influenceable, is that a word?

00:18:59.640 --> 00:19:10.119
Influenceable people, um, the people who you know are getting influenced to question you know that back a little bit, then they'll start to understand and they'll start to see it.

00:19:10.599 --> 00:19:11.160
Love it.

00:19:11.400 --> 00:19:15.400
So I have a cheat code that I want to run by you, see what you think.

00:19:15.559 --> 00:19:19.559
It's specifically around challenging and testing our assumptions.

00:19:19.799 --> 00:19:32.039
Because I believe like the majority of the frustrations and irritations that I experience come from uncommunicated expectations and unsecured commitments, period.

00:19:32.519 --> 00:19:36.279
Now that happens because of assumptions, right?

00:19:36.839 --> 00:19:37.799
Now, amen.

00:19:38.039 --> 00:19:38.440
Amen.

00:19:39.079 --> 00:19:46.759
But here's the cheat code for me, the flag that I pay attention to to say, oh, I think I'm confabulating.

00:19:46.920 --> 00:19:47.720
That's a new word.

00:19:47.799 --> 00:19:49.079
I'm gonna abuse the hell out of it.

00:19:49.160 --> 00:19:50.839
It's a new word for me, anyways.

00:19:51.079 --> 00:19:56.039
When I say should, they should have known that shouldn't have happened.

00:19:56.359 --> 00:20:57.039
Anytime I say the word should, I'll like, I got assumptions in there somewhere, clearly, because I had an expectation that they would deliver something in some time frame, and they didn't.

00:20:57.199 --> 00:21:03.919
And I can't articulate I was expecting that I'm expecting that to be in my hands by 6 p.m.

00:21:04.240 --> 00:21:04.719
today.

00:21:05.039 --> 00:21:12.480
I'll say, yeah, they should have did it like sometime, like they should be sending, they should know that I needed it.

00:21:12.639 --> 00:21:17.759
And damn it, there's an assumption, there's an uncommunicated expectation and an unsecured commitment.

00:21:17.839 --> 00:21:25.119
So the cheat code is you when I use the word should, that's the flag to say, hey, dummy, you need to check yourself.

00:21:25.199 --> 00:21:26.559
What do you think about that?

00:21:26.799 --> 00:21:28.000
That is fantastic.

00:21:28.159 --> 00:21:29.359
I honestly don't know.

00:21:29.439 --> 00:21:30.879
I mean, I agree with you.

00:21:31.039 --> 00:21:52.079
I would be as bold to say that I'm a big believer in not using absolutes, I don't really like to use all, never, can't, all those things, but 99% of the problems we face in this industry, especially the field versus office dynamic, if you're trying to bridge that is based on assumptions.

00:21:52.559 --> 00:22:08.480
That if the reason that people hate or are unwilling to have the extreme uncomfortable conversations we have is because there was no expectation set, which makes the feedback chain so much harder.

00:22:09.599 --> 00:22:11.679
And that I agree with you, and it's the same kind of thing.

00:22:11.919 --> 00:22:13.119
I even find it with my kids.

00:22:13.279 --> 00:22:15.519
That's like a hey, go clean your room.

00:22:15.839 --> 00:22:27.119
Well, an hour later, I'm pissed off because he didn't clean his room when it's well, technically, he has until he's 18 and moves out to clean it out now, because I never gave him a deadline.

00:22:27.679 --> 00:22:45.359
I never you know whatever set that expectation, and it it happens all the time in minuscule ways and large ways, but really it's the small ones, it's not the big problem, it's not the big assumption, it's the small assumptions that just stack up and compound over time, and nobody talks about them.

00:22:45.599 --> 00:22:49.439
No, it we just let them build and build and confabulate, right?

00:22:49.519 --> 00:22:55.679
Because it reinforces my position, it um helps me feel good that everybody else is wrong, it can't be me.

00:22:56.000 --> 00:23:04.399
Now, you mentioned Brene Brown, and I've read her books, I've read a few of her books, but I'm curious what why did you decide?

00:23:04.639 --> 00:23:07.519
Because most people are gonna say that's a woman thing, right?

00:23:08.719 --> 00:23:11.759
Like all the stuff that she does, and it's powerful stuff.

00:23:12.079 --> 00:23:16.959
But what was it that motivated you to consume her content?

00:23:17.519 --> 00:23:25.839
So I had in when I went through what I call I kind of call my mental struggle, mental breakdown, really.

00:23:25.919 --> 00:23:29.039
Uh yeah, that was in 2023, so not that long ago.

00:23:29.599 --> 00:23:35.839
It was I hadn't read a book in 10 years, over 10 years, probably.

00:23:36.399 --> 00:23:40.079
And I almost thought it was like the cool thing to do to not read.

00:23:40.319 --> 00:23:43.119
It's it's like go talk about that now.

00:23:43.759 --> 00:23:52.879
But I it's as as ironic and crazy as it is, I went from extreme ownership to dare to lead.

00:23:53.199 --> 00:23:53.439
Right.

00:23:54.719 --> 00:23:57.439
So I mean, talk about polar opposite.

00:23:59.039 --> 00:24:06.559
And what had happened is I was even though I'm I'm a millennial, I'm 37 years old, I was raised old school construction.

00:24:06.639 --> 00:24:07.039
Yep.

00:24:07.599 --> 00:24:15.439
That emotions are no, it just no vulnerability that's worse than dropping the f bomb anywhere.

00:24:15.679 --> 00:24:16.799
You ain't doing that.

00:24:17.199 --> 00:24:20.719
You can forget, oh, you're having it, you're having a bad mental health day.

00:24:20.879 --> 00:24:22.559
Cool, work harder and work it off.

00:24:23.679 --> 00:24:32.559
Then when I realized in so 22, my first year as general manager, I failed completely terribly.

00:24:32.639 --> 00:24:34.879
And we can get into that one too if you want, but I failed.

00:24:36.079 --> 00:24:44.000
And that led me into saying, okay, my whole goal of chasing the title was wrong.

00:24:45.199 --> 00:24:49.119
Rather than trying to get to the other side of the bridge, I needed to become the bridge.

00:24:49.359 --> 00:24:51.279
That's the goal of leadership.

00:24:51.519 --> 00:24:59.759
My goal is to provide the understanding to empower those to cross over to the other side and help them become better than me.

00:25:00.159 --> 00:25:02.240
That's the goal of a leader.

00:25:02.480 --> 00:25:02.639
Yeah.

00:25:02.799 --> 00:25:04.319
That's the goal of being the bridge.

00:25:04.639 --> 00:25:06.319
That's what I think is the middleman.

00:25:06.879 --> 00:25:20.879
And so when I came out of that, and then I dove into 23, where we had success as a company when we turned it around, but mentally I didn't know how to handle the pressure that I had put on myself for it.

00:25:21.279 --> 00:25:27.039
Then I came out of that and said, All right, now I'm set, I've got my mindset right.

00:25:27.279 --> 00:25:34.719
I've realized that what I did know isn't necessarily the, I don't believe is the best way to lead because it's not me.

00:25:34.879 --> 00:25:36.959
I was trying to be something I wasn't.

00:25:37.279 --> 00:25:40.559
And I went with I started, of course, with extreme ownership.

00:25:40.719 --> 00:25:42.079
That was the book at the time.

00:25:42.159 --> 00:25:43.839
It was just, hey, you read that as booked.

00:25:44.159 --> 00:25:46.879
Go and it's fantastic.

00:25:46.959 --> 00:25:49.119
And I said, okay, that's I mean, this is fantastic.

00:25:49.199 --> 00:25:52.079
Everything on here I agree with, I'm locked in, I'm ready to go.

00:25:52.159 --> 00:25:54.079
I love it, I absolutely love it.

00:25:54.399 --> 00:25:58.480
What is something nobody would expect me to read next?

00:25:58.879 --> 00:26:05.039
Oh, and what is something I would never expect myself to read next?

00:26:05.439 --> 00:26:12.079
Okay, it's a challenge, yes, and it went into uh Brene Brown, the Queen of Vulnerability, man.

00:26:12.159 --> 00:26:23.199
I mean, yes, she is, and it is such I mean, just talk about office versus field separation done, it is such a polar opposite book.

00:26:23.279 --> 00:26:27.279
Yep, but at the same time, I can tie them together.

00:26:27.839 --> 00:26:33.359
You can actually start to tie them together when you break into how Jocko and Leif go through their stuff.

00:26:33.439 --> 00:26:36.319
Well, they don't say it that same way, right?

00:26:36.879 --> 00:26:38.159
Same thing.

00:26:38.399 --> 00:26:52.000
Um and I just I mean, I read that one, and honestly, that's one of if not, it's probably one of my top five that I recommend to people, especially if you are a hard ass, tough ass, no bullshit leader, and you think that it doesn't exist.

00:26:52.079 --> 00:26:56.240
I say, okay, cool, read this, and then come tell me how much armor you're wearing when you're done.

00:26:56.480 --> 00:26:57.439
Oh, yeah, yeah, man.

00:26:57.679 --> 00:26:57.919
Good.

00:26:58.000 --> 00:27:05.839
I and that one, I think you're the first person I heard that says, I read it because I wanted to read something that I would never read.

00:27:06.000 --> 00:27:11.279
Because it it's all about vulnerability and shame and the origins of it and how it manifests itself.

00:27:11.359 --> 00:27:12.879
And I'm like you, I'm reading that book.

00:27:12.959 --> 00:27:16.079
I'm like, was this woman she'd been stalking me?

00:27:16.240 --> 00:27:18.719
Like she's writing about me here.

00:27:19.039 --> 00:27:19.919
70 70.

00:27:20.240 --> 00:27:21.039
I think I looked it up.

00:27:21.199 --> 00:27:30.079
78% of the mental struggles, the mindset struggles we have in this industry are involved are around shame.

00:27:31.279 --> 00:27:44.799
And because we are we are a heavily male-dominated industry, you tie in not just the stigma of being a man in construction, but also if you're a husband, if you're a father, it is the shame of not being able to provide.

00:27:44.959 --> 00:27:45.759
Am I good enough?

00:27:45.919 --> 00:27:50.559
I'm working 14 hours over here, but I'm missing the ball game over here, I'm missing this.

00:27:50.719 --> 00:27:53.039
The shame just destroys it.

00:27:53.839 --> 00:27:59.359
And the way she goes about that book, very softly, very respectfully.

00:27:59.839 --> 00:28:01.039
Yeah, totally.

00:28:01.199 --> 00:28:01.839
No, it's trans.

00:28:02.159 --> 00:28:25.519
So, folks, LM family out there, if you are struggling with like the weight of the way I think about it is maybe the best way to describe it, before I read that book, I was blind to how much effort and energy I was putting into living up to these expectations that were confabulated, right?

00:28:25.599 --> 00:28:34.159
Like I said to myself, my boss expects this, my girlfriend expects this, my family expects this, and I gotta do that, I gotta fulfill that.

00:28:34.319 --> 00:28:35.759
And it was all make-believe.

00:28:35.839 --> 00:28:36.799
I made it up in my head.

00:28:36.879 --> 00:28:38.799
None of them, you know what they were asking for me.

00:28:38.959 --> 00:28:42.399
My boss was telling me, Jesse, you need to take time off because you're burning it up.

00:28:42.559 --> 00:28:46.879
My exes were telling me, Jesse, I wish you would just kind of relax and spend more time with me.

00:28:46.959 --> 00:28:49.039
My mom was saying, I wish you would visit me.

00:28:49.199 --> 00:28:58.319
Nobody was saying that I needed to get the big new sexy project and beat the budget by 20% and have all that was all in my head.

00:28:58.559 --> 00:29:00.480
You were telling yourself what you should do.

00:29:01.119 --> 00:29:02.000
You got it.

00:29:02.559 --> 00:29:04.399
You got it, you nailed it, bro.

00:29:04.559 --> 00:29:13.439
And then I when I read that book, my motivation was somebody told me, Jesse, you are the absolute least vulnerable human being I've ever met.

00:29:13.679 --> 00:29:15.919
And I said, No, I'm not.

00:29:16.000 --> 00:29:20.240
And then I read the book, like, okay, maybe she was right because I didn't really understand.

00:29:20.399 --> 00:29:22.159
I was like, Vulnerable, that's a weakness.

00:29:22.240 --> 00:29:23.279
Why would you be vulnerable?

00:29:23.439 --> 00:29:26.639
That's not smart, that's just not strategic, right?

00:29:27.199 --> 00:29:38.639
Anyways, on the back end of it, took off helped me continue or down the path to remove the armor and really just show up as I'm intended to be, which is so much more fun.

00:29:39.439 --> 00:29:52.639
Now, so extreme ownership, love the book, amazing content, and again, that's another one of those keys of when I own everything, when I take ownership of my part, right?

00:29:52.879 --> 00:29:58.399
Because every success and every failure that we have contributed to it, carrying.

00:29:58.799 --> 00:30:03.439
I'm not saying it's our fault or like you contributed to some degree.

00:30:03.759 --> 00:30:06.159
We have a role to play, there's a role to play in it.

00:30:06.639 --> 00:30:14.079
That's it, and taking ownership for that part gives us the power back to Victor Frankel, right?

00:30:14.319 --> 00:30:29.519
Gives us the power to change the direction or make the different set of choices that we need to make to get to where we want to be when we own our part in it, not saying it's all our fault and nobody else, like no, just own your part.

00:30:29.599 --> 00:30:31.039
I have a buddy, Sean Moran.

00:30:31.119 --> 00:30:35.039
He's like, Jess, he he coaches people too, like his full-time job.

00:30:35.199 --> 00:30:43.759
And um, he's like, I'm trying to help my team understand that at the very least, every problem you're experiencing, you're at least one percent of the problem.

00:30:43.839 --> 00:30:45.199
And I'm like, Amen, man.

00:30:45.359 --> 00:30:49.679
But some of them even fight that like, yeah, no, it's it's a journey, people have to get there.

00:30:50.000 --> 00:30:54.959
So you mentioned a couple of times this thing between the field and the office, yeah.

00:30:55.119 --> 00:31:01.359
And there's some alliteration or some analogies in there about the middleman mindset, the bridge.

00:31:01.679 --> 00:31:03.599
What uh what's going on there?

00:31:03.919 --> 00:31:13.839
So, I mean, everybody, everybody by now has heard everybody there, it is, but the absolutes, I ask I assume majority of people have heard the phrase bridge the gap.

00:31:14.559 --> 00:31:20.480
People take it in a wide array of reasons, wide range of reasons or beliefs on what that truly means.

00:31:20.799 --> 00:31:32.079
But in in my opinion, the person, the the person who bridges the gap is the one who takes the time to understand both sides.

00:31:32.159 --> 00:31:33.039
It's all about personality.

00:31:33.359 --> 00:31:33.759
perspectives.

00:31:34.000 --> 00:31:39.839
It's all about it's not okay, you got side A and you got side B.

00:31:40.559 --> 00:31:44.480
It's I'm the one who brings both of them together.

00:31:44.959 --> 00:31:52.959
So the part of being the middleman is you have to have a desire for everybody to win.

00:31:53.759 --> 00:31:54.799
Everybody wins.

00:31:55.039 --> 00:32:00.000
It doesn't matter if you don't like the person, everybody wins.

00:32:01.119 --> 00:32:14.719
And if you can carry that in, that's where I say okay, the middleman, which I would refer to as the foreign superintendents, the operations managers, construction managers, project managers, estimators.

00:32:15.679 --> 00:32:25.279
These people who are obviously a part of the team, they're not upper senior management or CEOs, owners.

00:32:25.679 --> 00:32:27.919
They answer to those people.

00:32:28.639 --> 00:32:37.039
But in my opinion, the middleman has the opportunity to have more influence than anybody else on the team.

00:32:37.519 --> 00:32:43.279
And they are the ones who who's the first one to get the phone call when all shit hits the fan and all chaos goes.

00:32:43.599 --> 00:32:52.159
The middleman who's the one who speaks and negotiates and talks to the customer on a daily weekly basis?

00:32:52.399 --> 00:32:53.039
The middleman.

00:32:53.439 --> 00:32:57.919
Who's the one who's around the team 95% of the time.

00:32:58.639 --> 00:32:59.279
The middleman.

00:32:59.919 --> 00:33:00.319
Yeah.

00:33:01.039 --> 00:33:17.599
It's once you the owner, the CEO, it's their job to support the team and give them the things they need to excel and empower them to perform to their abilities but it's the middleman who drives it home.

00:33:17.839 --> 00:33:18.240
Yeah.

00:33:18.480 --> 00:33:24.159
And honestly they it's you say it's like the middle child they're the ones who also get neglected.

00:33:27.599 --> 00:33:30.959
They're the ones that say okay you're the best operator.

00:33:31.199 --> 00:33:32.000
Fantastic.

00:33:32.480 --> 00:33:33.839
We're going to promote you to foreman.

00:33:34.240 --> 00:33:34.559
Okay.

00:33:34.879 --> 00:33:35.919
What do I got to do?

00:33:36.079 --> 00:33:40.319
Oh you just all you got to do is you're going to lead this team of five to ten guys.

00:33:40.480 --> 00:33:41.279
Not a big deal.

00:33:41.439 --> 00:33:50.480
Here's the expectations maybe if you're lucky you get those and by the way you're responsible for everything on the job and it's going to be a lot of work.

00:33:50.639 --> 00:33:58.480
You're still going to have to operate but we're going to go ahead and make sure you train make sure you delegate and let us know if you need anything.

00:33:59.279 --> 00:34:04.319
Communications at two way street got it and then they wonder why he quits in three months.

00:34:04.719 --> 00:34:19.599
Oh yeah but the person or the people who are willing to say okay I'm let's take a field for instance I'm the superintendent and you say the office should be doing this.

00:34:19.760 --> 00:34:21.599
They should do that they should do that.

00:34:21.679 --> 00:34:24.880
I'm using that because you brought up that word and I loved it.

00:34:25.119 --> 00:34:32.000
They should do these things if you are saying that over and you have the awareness you say okay I'm missing something.

00:34:32.480 --> 00:34:32.800
Yes.

00:34:33.039 --> 00:34:38.800
So now I'm going to go spend time on this side of the bridge and I'm going to figure out that perspective.

00:34:39.039 --> 00:34:39.360
Yep.

00:34:39.519 --> 00:34:46.880
And I'm going to walk my ass back across and I'm going to help my team understand in a way that relates to them and their one.

00:34:47.199 --> 00:34:49.039
And now you're building that bridge.

00:34:49.199 --> 00:34:51.840
It's us and them not us versus them.

00:34:52.159 --> 00:35:25.119
Yeah yeah okay so what I'm hearing is that the middleman mindset is the facilitator the translator the connector and the empower you're the one who I mean it is your job to if I mean if you choose to do it it it is your job to make sure that you are taking however many people are around you say it's five people my goal is that those five people in whatever timeline I deem correct are better than me at my job.

00:35:25.360 --> 00:35:30.719
Yeah in the direction of where they want to go and you mentioned something earlier about when people say I want to be a leader.

00:35:30.880 --> 00:35:31.519
You need those things.

00:35:34.400 --> 00:35:40.000
Tell me about that tell me what tell me why what is and I'm very curious of what is it?

00:35:40.159 --> 00:35:46.559
And a lot of times when they don't really know they say I want to be I want to be the boss I want to be in control.

00:35:46.639 --> 00:35:49.599
It's an ego thing or it's money.

00:35:50.000 --> 00:35:58.719
Oh well the the foreman makes 50 bucks an hour 45 bucks an hour or whatever it is and I'm sitting here making 2530 I want to make 45 bucks an hour.

00:35:58.880 --> 00:36:02.719
I said I get it I get it this isn't for you.

00:36:03.839 --> 00:36:04.000
Right.

00:36:04.799 --> 00:36:16.719
Right why not if that is your motivation alone you're not going to make it because money doesn't last in the long run.

00:36:17.519 --> 00:36:18.880
Money can be a part of it.

00:36:19.039 --> 00:36:35.920
Everybody should want to make make more and gain and I'm a full advocate of that you should want to better yourself and better your life and your circumstances but if you are tying it solely to money or wanting the power like I did when I chased the title you're going to fail.

00:36:36.079 --> 00:36:41.039
You're going to fail and it's not going to stick yeah you'll lose yourself.

00:36:41.279 --> 00:37:07.199
I mean I'm in there you and I sim very similar stories chase like those things are so this is not gonna this week like counterintuitive for a lot of folks it's so easy to get the raise and get the promotion but it doesn't fill that void of fulfillment and and that sort of thing so so yeah man if it's just about money in a title like it ain't worth it.

00:37:07.360 --> 00:37:29.920
Not only will you fail it ain't like that title and the money you think you're going to get that's going to change your life it ain't it and the amount of work the and maybe more accurately the amount of failure that you're going to experience jumping up that level if you don't have a real deep meaningful reason for it it'll break you.

00:37:30.079 --> 00:37:55.360
It am I wrong the I guess my one sentence pitch of the middleman is the one navigating expectations from above while trying to lead others below across and above as the bridge that's the middleman and if you're going to do that now I say it all that I say it quite often that owners and CEOs are up here.

00:37:55.599 --> 00:38:33.199
Owners can do that too but yeah companies you have companies where the owner is in the mix on the day-to-day basis and you may be the middleman you may be that bridge while you're building and while you're developing that's it's absolutely opportunity there but the one thing it takes is besides what I said everybody's got to win is you have to care more than everybody else and people have always told me don't take it personal fuck that it is personal it is personal.

00:38:33.440 --> 00:38:38.719
Now I'm not saying go cry about it if somebody teases you or hazes you or it's all up in your Cheerios.

00:38:39.039 --> 00:38:39.839
That's fine.

00:38:40.000 --> 00:38:44.480
That's that's just that's part of being a family that's part of be that's just part of what we do.

00:38:44.719 --> 00:38:45.039
Right.

00:38:45.199 --> 00:38:47.599
Right it is absolutely personal.

00:38:47.839 --> 00:38:52.719
If I lose somebody from the team that I love and care about that's personal.

00:38:52.880 --> 00:39:20.000
If I let them down that's personal the reason when if some if you're lying there and I hope there's somebody listening to this one you say if you're lying in bed and you're laying at the ceiling wondering why or you're ashamed or you're thinking about the 10 people you just had to let go good because it's it is personal and you need that to really bring it home in my opinion.

00:39:20.239 --> 00:39:21.039
Oh I agree.

00:39:21.199 --> 00:39:39.759
I mean I've done my share of terminations and even the ones that I was waiting for the day to terminate them it still didn't it still bugs me because I am I impacted that man's life the life of his family his kids if they had kids if he had a wife it is not a small thing.

00:39:40.559 --> 00:40:09.199
If it doesn't stay with you there's something there's some introspection to be had so you started the BTG movement right and well of the middleman mindset because it absolutely is a mindset that's coming through loud and clear not like a title you're the middleman but middleman mindset being the connector the bridge so but what have you learned about yourself since launching BTG okay maybe the first one was a softball question.

00:40:09.679 --> 00:40:28.079
They're getting deeper now I have learned probably more than anything that when it comes to being a leader and truly wanting to make an impact the number one thing we can strive for is being authentic.

00:40:28.400 --> 00:40:28.719
Okay.

00:40:29.119 --> 00:40:40.079
And it becomes I spent years young growing up with a fear of what others thought of me and it dictated I mean I could I would be what you call a chameleon.

00:40:40.239 --> 00:40:46.960
I never I wasn't the jock I wasn't the popular kid I wasn't all these things but I could go into any group and adapt.

00:40:47.279 --> 00:41:14.880
And I did it to make people like me and what happens is you start to be nice and you start focusing on being nice instead of being kind and there's a big and when I dove into this process it was okay well if I'm going to lead in this way if I'm going to do these things and if I truly want to make an impact for people who am I if I'm not going to be me I'm the class clown.

00:41:15.039 --> 00:41:22.000
I like it I like to be me I like to be weird I like to walk around Hawaiian shirts I like to do those things.

00:41:22.159 --> 00:41:30.239
Yeah to hell if people laugh and if anything laughing at the expense of me as the boss that's a win that brings the team closer together.

00:41:30.559 --> 00:41:30.799
Right.

00:41:32.159 --> 00:41:48.559
So but I think that's that's one of the main ones authenticity really that that sells that hits home that's what people I mean that's what gets people right there is for better or worse whether or not you agree with somebody you respect somebody who is authentically there.

00:41:48.880 --> 00:42:06.960
Yep and the other one is truly finding out what your values are going into BTG and doing these things I told myself okay if I'm going to dive into who is Bryce who am I what are the people I want the type of people I want to work with I've had to say no.

00:42:07.199 --> 00:42:25.759
I've had to say no I'm I got offered an opportunity to speak share more of the middleman mindset and honestly it was to students a while back a year ago and they asked me to leave out the part where the industry is challenging and mentally it can break you and I said I can't do that.

00:42:25.920 --> 00:42:33.920
I can't leave that right they didn't they were scared it would push these kids away from the industry.

00:42:34.159 --> 00:42:57.279
And I said what's better that they find out now and they get the and I can provide them the tools to handle it or they find out two years from now when they enter the program as a project manager or an estimator or a field engineer field whatever it is and they find out the hard way and they burn out and you lose them in a year because that's what happens.

00:42:57.519 --> 00:42:58.000
Yep.

00:42:58.480 --> 00:43:11.679
And I think that's been that comes down to the authentic part is if awareness of truly knowing who you are what you want to be and what the goals are you start to see that very clearly of no that these are people you know in my path that I want to be associated with.

00:43:11.839 --> 00:43:13.360
These are the people I want to work with.

00:43:13.679 --> 00:44:54.239
Yeah man awesome so getting clear on your values and learning to embrace authenticity all of a sudden authenticity is like the high the fancy word right everybody's talking about it and I got somebody asked me like well what do you what does authenticity mean to you Jess I'm like look for me it's just sharing the dirty details like I don't invest any energy polishing shit like it's the truth it's stinky it's ugly it's great it's awesome it's just what it is like I'm not gonna hide anything I'm not gonna overproduce anything like it's just telling the truth and also like you said embracing myself there are things that I like to wear I'm a Hawaiian shirt guy I like this sort of thing and it's just wear that I don't need to be up have the putton polo button up because there was a period in in my career where I like oh no I gotta look the part yeah even though like I wasn't I mean I was living but I felt like I was living in somebody else's skin and that was suffocating right like it just and the interesting thing is I was so concerned about standing out that I was suffocating myself and I was worried about standing out because I thought if I did I would not have experienced the kind of success that I wanted to experience the interesting thing is when I finally said hell with it I'm gonna be me and you don't have to like me that's when the massive success and amazing experiences started.

00:44:54.400 --> 00:44:55.599
Are you seeing the same thing?

00:44:55.839 --> 00:45:16.239
Oh yeah oh yeah it's oh here so one of my other favorite books John Gordon Energy Bus and it's one of my favorite ones and it is a key component to also be in the bridge or the middleman is we there are people who create energy and there are people who feed off energy.

00:45:16.880 --> 00:45:58.319
Well find out how to be the one who creates the energy and how if you walk in a room with 10 positive people do you naturally go positive okay great now if you walk in that same room and there's 10 negative people do you find yourself you go negative or are you trying to brighten the room right that's what people who are different or embrace who they are you notice that energy they create that you know when when everything we have a we have a core value from company I work with it's embrace the sock.

00:45:58.719 --> 00:46:20.799
Yeah and when you get into that moment when everybody goes from hey things are going great then everybody starts to drop you can feel the weight you can just I mean you can almost see the cloud where everybody's and somebody sparks it into that moment where it's almost dysfunctional fun it's good.

00:46:20.960 --> 00:47:55.679
Now it's okay what else is it going to rain perfect bring the rain bring bring it all we're ready and it's who can do that and as a leader as that's the bridge as the middleman that's a responsibility you have is it's a light switch even if you're not feeling it what do I have to do to show up and be that person for yeah man and again it's a choice now getting there is not easy right I wonder I wondered this I love the life I'm having like it is unimaginable the experiences I have today but I wonder would it be possible to be having the experiences the impact the influence that I have without going through all the sucky parts right like I know for me the answer is no I needed the sucky parts it's what you don't get clear and understand but I always wonder I want like for my baby brother my nephews and my nieces can they have the same level of fulfillment and impact on the world without all the sucky without having to go through the sucky parts what do you think you're right creating the energy and doing that is very difficult and it does take time but I will say if you want to start somewhere start with gratitude towards the worst things in your life start with and for two two years now I have started a what I call a gratitude journal.

00:47:56.239 --> 00:48:14.000
Every night it is one sentence it's all it takes down something about how far I've come or thankful for that miserable time in my life because it put me here I read that and again it's a choice of the narrative you want to tell yourself.

00:48:14.159 --> 00:48:19.279
Yes if you want to change the narrative from resentment to gratitude then do it.

00:48:19.599 --> 00:49:01.920
And you do it by writing it down making it and putting it in front of yourself and reading it out loud and being there and you will notice that shift will change yeah 100% I I've met this guy in the 12 step meetings he would say I'm grateful for everything I have and everything I don't and I I like I hear him it was early on in my sobriety path right and so one day I'm like hey man what the hell does that mean what do you mean you're grateful for the things that you don't have and he's oh that's easy man I'm grateful that I'm not sleeping in an eight by six room anymore.

00:49:02.480 --> 00:49:32.000
I don't have the old bed that I used to have I'm like why would you be in an eight by six room he's jail I was like oh he's I'm grateful that I don't have to eat at 7 a.m2pm and 5 p.m every day whether I like it or not and I then I'm like I understand so it was his form of being grateful for the hard times because he's a Joel like again of being appreciative of what the hell you actually have in the moment.

00:49:32.079 --> 00:49:36.719
So the hard times I would say add value to the good times.

00:49:36.960 --> 00:50:14.559
So maybe the answer maybe I just answered my own question right without the hard times how could I even value amazingness that I have now oh I think you need them there's that there's that quote pressure is a privilege you know right to I go out and I'm blessed to have the opportunity to help a team through a hard time or come to a solution or help an 18 year old new hire in the industry line out a path that gets him whether it's here whether it's with me whether it's not that gets him where he wants to go that's a pressure that's I mean that's a privilege.

00:50:15.039 --> 00:50:46.719
I'm grateful for all that I went through this exercise with a lot of things my dad passed away in 20 in 2022 same year that I was struggling with all a lot yeah and just just earlier this year I said that's one of the things I write down that I'm grateful for my dad passing away it was for a year prior to that he was in he was in assisted living and then hospice I drove to see him four hours every week to see him for a half hour because it was during COVID.

00:50:46.799 --> 00:50:48.400
So they only gave me 30 minutes.

00:50:48.559 --> 00:50:54.960
Yeah we had the best conversations and connected on a level that I haven't talked to him probably ever in my life.

00:50:55.119 --> 00:51:08.159
Right here and as sad as it is I don't know if I ever would have had that conversation with him if we would have gotten to that level if that hadn't come.

00:51:08.319 --> 00:51:12.239
And so I missed the heck out of him and I traded to have him back in a heartbeat.

00:51:12.319 --> 00:51:49.519
But I'm thankful for that time that we had to connect and to give back to the father son and not even just friends you know really understand kind of where he came from yeah man so there you go folks gratitude baby it'll change your world and maybe this I just sound a little crazy to some people but when everything sucks around you that is a great time to be gratitude one thing what are you grateful for what could you be grateful for and it'll just start changing your perspective changing your energy so that you can better contribute right because there's that's what we're here for.

00:51:49.599 --> 00:52:39.599
We're here to serve others now I'm gonna give you a heads up I do have a hard question but I'm not gonna ask it yet okay before we get to the hard question if somebody's interested in this middleman mindset being a part of the BTG movement how do they get involved where do they go how do we make that happen well number one right now so I have been I started doing I launched BTG in 2024 and until then I've just been kind of working one-on-one with clients and working with their teams individually doing that stuff and I still do that through one-on-one meetings but 2026 I'm looking to launch what I call the middleman mindset academy and it's probably going to be eventually I want it to be able to be an online program that people can actually get work through on their own and tie into bringing me in.

00:52:39.920 --> 00:52:48.239
Also it can be it'll be workshops that I can provide for teams in general coupled with one-on-one coaching through the process.

00:52:48.400 --> 00:53:03.599
And then it might also be an option of just a for those individually who want to be a part of it or for financial reasons being able to do a join an online community that we kind of once a week an hour or two where we go through the steps and we do it over at 12, 16 week time period.

00:53:03.839 --> 00:53:04.319
Nice.

00:53:04.559 --> 00:53:13.519
But the LinkedIn easiest way easiest way to do it honestly on a risk of it all call me 509 8997.

00:53:14.639 --> 00:53:34.159
Tell me if you want and LinkedIn is probably the easiest way outside of that to get in contact you're welcome to put my email address on here as well that you know we can post that they can see that the I believe this is needed in this industry and it's not just the capabilities of leading ourselves first.

00:53:34.319 --> 00:53:56.319
It's understanding there's the process of the academy what we really kind of work through and outline is you start with leading yourself first and then we go into the path to becoming the bridge and it always starts at the fundamentals and nobody wants to touch the fundamentals but we start at the fundamentals of of what it means to bridge the gap which is how do I gain the bigger picture?

00:53:56.480 --> 00:54:32.719
How do I understand the perspectives how do I find the common goal and how do I start to lead people across and then it dives into the things like creating energy and how to do it going into the things that I believe where we severely drop the ball in this industry which is how do we set and manage expectations how do we get rid of assumptions how do we delegate how do we train and how do we lead and the only thing with that as far as leading goes is you lead you get you want to be led differently than me.

00:54:32.880 --> 00:54:38.239
And yes this one size fits all metric for leadership doesn't work.

00:54:38.480 --> 00:54:53.679
No so there's a basis for how we empower and how we lead and how we provide an impact but you need the tools to be able to discover okay well how do these 10 people individually need to be led and that's kind of what we focus on and build through that.

00:54:53.920 --> 00:54:56.799
So that is the in essence that is the way to do it.

00:54:56.880 --> 00:55:04.239
I would love to talk to anybody whether it's individually or the ideal thing would be a small group coupled with the one-on-one coaching inside of that.

00:55:04.960 --> 00:55:23.599
Wow well and I think you're a hundred percent right in that it is desperately needed in our industry and it's going to become more and more important the pain point is just it's growing and growing because as well as I do people are retiring and leaving the industry.

00:55:23.839 --> 00:55:29.199
So what that also means is people are getting promoted faster than they ever got promoted before.

00:55:29.440 --> 00:55:59.360
And we're still we mean our construction industry is still doing a freaking miserable job at equipping people with the fundamental skills to lead a team and you just listed them right delegation communication setting expectations all of those things it's just kind of like fairy dust you're just gonna go well you brought up and you said I don't think I directly said it but I meant to say it and you just brought it up and I wanted to touch on that one real quick communication.

00:55:59.519 --> 00:56:11.119
I have a love hate relationship with communication and I tell people that I hate the word communication because we use it as a scapegoat.

00:56:11.199 --> 00:56:24.480
You hear it in our industry everybody will say we don't have we don't communicate we don't have good communication we don't okay well what's the definition of communication it's the kind of information we actually do that very well probably better than any industry.

00:56:24.639 --> 00:57:44.880
We send emails and text messages like no end we pass information great yeah we miss effective communication is do you understand what I'm saying so that you can effectively take it and help your team understand about building that and when you talk about the younger generation to the older I'm a true believer in the next generation I believe they're gonna do great things in this industry contrary to a lot of what a lot of people say they want to frickin' work they they just need to be led differently but they grew up in a generation full of text message full of tech and old school wins in communication and this is my opinion I don't care if it's biased I'm gonna say it old school wins face-to-face communication trumps anything if you can figure out how to do it and how to navigate a conversation that's uncomfortable or where you don't have the confidence but you're still willing to go in and have it yes that's a big part of what we coach as well is how to physically go through those conversations and how to tell 27 year old project manager how do you lead the 65 year old superintendent.

00:57:45.039 --> 00:58:32.880
No on paper they're contrary to what the stigmas might tell you they put PMs up here but they're not field to PM it's a lateral move it's just a different side of the team but age wise you're gonna go take somebody a year or two in and put them up against some guy 40 years his senior in the seniority category you don't get to speak to him the same way you would talk to a 27 year old it's yes you have to learn how to speak or how you communicate and tell your owner that you don't agree because agreeing is going to do nothing but build assumptions and lead to that so how do you actually navigate conversations with the owner where you disagree andor the customer where you disagree respectfully it's being kind not nice.

00:58:33.119 --> 00:59:04.960
Yeah oh yeah that that own two things and I'm with you on the communication thing we're experts and making mouth noise and calling it communication but if the person didn't receive communication did not happen and I think even more importantly as a leader if you can't listen and all you do is make mouth noise that's why your people are saying we have a communication problem because part of communication is freaking listening.

00:59:05.839 --> 00:59:17.759
I got a question for you I got a question you said receiver shares the burden of the responsibility in your opinion opinion when it comes to effective communication is it the sender or is it the receiver?

00:59:18.079 --> 00:59:20.239
Me and so let me expand.

00:59:20.480 --> 00:59:45.360
When I am communicating that like I need to give a directive or share some information update whatever it is my owners my responsibility to ensure that they understood what the deliverable needs to look like what the timeframe is and that we're clear on that they have the resources necessary to fulfill the request that's my job.

00:59:45.599 --> 01:00:08.319
Now when I'm the receiver it is my responsibility to say wait a minute I know you said you want this when do you want it what are the like the distinguishing factors of the deliverable that you want from me what does good look like to you so that I can fulfill that and so for me it's a hundred percent ownership thing to own it on both ends.

01:00:08.559 --> 01:00:31.119
But now I will give a leader and when I say leader I mean somebody that has formal authority in the organization if they at the very least own the responsibility of securing a commitment having a timeline associated with that and verifying that the individual clearly understands what the deliverable or the end result is supposed to look like if they've done that they win.

01:00:31.360 --> 01:00:50.639
In terms of like the receiving part and this is I'm giving people a pass just because of the conditioning that we've had in our industry if they just shut up and listen a little bit they get an A plus for me because it there's so few people that listen if that have formal authority that listen worth the shit.

01:00:50.719 --> 01:01:07.279
And that's part of because our industry says you're the leader you got to have the answer you give direction you and so people have been conditioned to always be moving their mouth and so if they just move their mouth less I give them a thumbs up but there's a lot of we listen to speak rather than listen to hear you got it.

01:01:07.679 --> 01:01:13.360
That's exactly right so that's my answer I may be a little rigid on it but that's where I love it.

01:01:13.839 --> 01:01:14.239
I love it.

01:01:14.400 --> 01:01:42.319
Awesome man okay well dude this has been amazing and I'm excited for your answer to the final question because I'm nervous I'm I'm a little scared it's easy man you've had some serious life experience that most people won't even talk about and not Only did you talk, do you talk about it, but you've built this whole system to help other people avoid that or at least work through that?

01:01:42.480 --> 01:01:46.400
And so, because of that, I get the sense that your answer is gonna be pretty damn awesome.

01:01:46.639 --> 01:01:48.000
And so here we go.

01:01:48.400 --> 01:01:52.239
What is the promise you are intended to be?

01:01:52.639 --> 01:01:55.839
What is the promise I am intended to be?

01:01:57.119 --> 01:02:05.279
I mean, it is the only because I believe in it so much, I've got to say I'm intended to be the bridge.

01:02:05.440 --> 01:02:07.679
I'm intended to be that person.

01:02:07.839 --> 01:02:09.679
And it sounds corny when I said it.

01:02:09.759 --> 01:02:11.679
I started saying it two years ago.

01:02:12.000 --> 01:02:16.960
I believe God put me on this earth to be that bridge, to make an impact.

01:02:17.440 --> 01:02:20.319
And it was hard to admit that.

01:02:20.480 --> 01:02:28.239
I mean, it wasn't it's easy to say it, it's hard to allow yourself to truly believe it and feel it.

01:02:28.559 --> 01:02:33.759
And James Clear talks about it a lot in atomic habits of identity.

01:02:34.079 --> 01:02:45.519
You and I use a big portion of that of what he talks about in there is a big portion of leading yourself first, and because it starts the ABCs, awareness, belief, and compassion.

01:02:45.599 --> 01:02:48.400
That's what I call the ABCs of a bulletproof mindset.

01:02:48.719 --> 01:02:53.519
Okay, you get the awareness, and then it comes down to who am I truly meant to be?

01:02:53.759 --> 01:02:55.839
Who am I truly meant to be?

01:02:56.239 --> 01:03:01.839
And you have that picture and say, okay, I'm meant to be, I'm meant to help people.

01:03:02.079 --> 01:03:05.920
I'm built for more than just being this person.

01:03:06.639 --> 01:03:11.679
Okay, well, now instead of saying I want to be that person, no, I am that person.

01:03:12.000 --> 01:03:13.920
Now I it's who I am, it's my identity.

01:03:14.000 --> 01:03:21.759
I am the bridge, I am the coach, I am the leader, I am the husband I'm supposed to be, I am the father I'm supposed to be.

01:03:22.159 --> 01:03:33.679
And if you can shape that identity and learn to talk compassionately to yourself, we're our own worst enemies every time we beat ourselves up nonstop.

01:03:33.839 --> 01:03:43.360
That if you can learn to give yourself a little bit of grace, like you would maybe a friend if they came to you in a struggle, you know, you'll find that you'll work towards that path.

01:03:43.519 --> 01:03:46.480
Once you have those things, you can work towards that path.

01:03:46.639 --> 01:03:49.039
And it starts with identity of who I am.

01:03:49.199 --> 01:03:51.119
This is who I am, this is my promise to me.

01:03:51.199 --> 01:03:52.719
I'm there, I'm that person.

01:03:53.119 --> 01:03:54.960
Yes, 10, 4.

01:03:55.119 --> 01:03:55.920
I knew it, man.

01:03:56.159 --> 01:03:58.559
Gangster, I love it, dude.

01:03:58.639 --> 01:03:59.759
Did you have fun?

01:04:00.159 --> 01:04:01.440
I had a great time, man.

01:04:01.599 --> 01:04:03.199
Oh, I could I could keep going.

01:04:03.839 --> 01:04:04.559
Yeah, I know it.

01:04:05.039 --> 01:04:07.519
We took we're talking about communication and identity.

01:04:07.599 --> 01:04:11.119
Oh, these are all subjects that I love to nerd out about, man.

01:04:11.199 --> 01:04:12.000
This is good stuff.

01:04:12.159 --> 01:04:12.559
I love it.

01:04:12.719 --> 01:04:13.199
I loved it.

01:04:13.519 --> 01:04:14.480
I appreciate it, man.

01:04:14.559 --> 01:04:15.360
I appreciate it, brother.

01:04:15.679 --> 01:04:17.119
This has been absolutely fantastic.

01:04:17.360 --> 01:04:17.920
Hell yeah.

01:04:18.079 --> 01:04:20.880
Thank you for sticking it out all the way to the end.

01:04:20.960 --> 01:04:23.199
I know you got a whole lot of stuff going on.

01:04:23.360 --> 01:04:33.759
And in appreciation for the gift of time that you have given this episode, I want to offer you a free PDF of my book, Becoming the Promise You're Intended to Be.

01:04:33.920 --> 01:04:36.239
The link for that bad boy is down in the show notes.

01:04:36.319 --> 01:04:36.799
Hit it.

01:04:36.960 --> 01:04:38.880
You don't even have to give me your email address.

01:04:39.119 --> 01:04:39.920
There's a link in there.

01:04:40.000 --> 01:04:42.719
You just click that but and you can download the PDF.

01:04:42.960 --> 01:04:53.199
And if you share it with somebody that you know who might feel stuck or be caught up in self-destructive behaviors, that would be the ultimate.

01:04:53.440 --> 01:04:59.119
You sharing that increases the likelihood that it's going to help one more person.

01:04:59.679 --> 01:05:08.079
And if it does help one more person, then you're contributing to me becoming the promise I am intended to be.

01:05:08.480 --> 01:05:13.119
Be kind to yourself, be cool, and we'll talk at you next time.